Conversations not to be forgotten.

James:I want you to stay... so we can be sad and have virtual hug's
and dream of the time we can curl up in a corner together

Me:spiritual! spiritual hugs are better than virtual ones
and yes that too ^-^

James:uh.. ok
I'll put one in a star for you...

And it will fly past and drop it...

On the end of your nose.. when your asleep.

Dear Asshole, Love your Giggly Schoolgirl.

Boy am i one miserable fuck *sighs*
these lyrics fit perfectly with how i feel about Kit. i showed it to my mum and she started crying because she didn't want me to be this unhappy, which made me really embarrassed but really love her at the same time.
i think i am going to resign myself to never getting over Kit, i mean how do you get over that kind of thing, I think I'm kind of okay with it though, i mean it's like Kilve in the way that it will just be a bubble, i shall sing it's songs and long for it forever more but finally come to terms with it.
i think what makes it so hard is that he has managed to both maintain and completely annihilate all that i loved about him. which only makes sense if you know what i mean anyway.
I want so desperately to be your giggly schoolgirl again. i think I'm going through the five stages of loss/grief or whatever they're called.
I've done denial, anger, I'm on bargaining... which means i have depression and acceptance to look forward to. hurra.

thing is i know this will only be a brief moment of okayness untill i get really upset again. i feel so stupid and whiney for still being 'hung up' on him but there you go.
our 1 year anniversary passed a few weeks ago.
god I love him.


in other less boring and depressing news, i have been devouring books like there is no tomorrow and loving it.
i read some 'Doom Patrol' it's good but its no Niel Gaiman, i think i will never be able to truly like superhero comics.

I'm quite content with being this unhappy because it's not stabbing or immediate, it's quiet and soothing.

bollocks to love, bollocks i say!
on the other hand i am actually enjoying being single.

experiment

want to do this:

however not sure whether i will, it might be hard without photoshop.
fuck i need photoshop so badly!

http://liliy.deviantart.com/journal/15131661/

i want to blog more, but it's always really really late when my thoughts come.
*sighs* I'm afraid to write in my diary because the last entry was a four page detailed account of all the things i loved about Kit.
I can't believe i was so scared of Kit being at Claire's party i started crying at Steve about it.
that may also have had something to do with blood alcohol levels

More things that I want.

today was shit, actually the last couple of days in relation to my mental state have been appalling.

Things that i want:
Fight With Tools - Flobots
How it Ends - Devotchka or DeVotchKa depending
any album by Apocalyptica
to stop feeling ill and to have my english course work over with!
Benny and Joon
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter s Thompson