i feel so empty, well not empty just void of emotion...
im not happy put it that way, i think the only thing thats getting me through this is the thought of art.
my art pice, i have been working on it non stop for a few days (well as non stop as i could) and i think thats been the only time when i have been content i dont know what im going to do once i have finnished it but i will overcome that hurdle when i have to, apart from when im playing playstation, i love the way i can just do nothing for hours on end with that thing and not have to think about anything else exept getting this little person through pointless level after pointless level.
im due my period, i hate this time, everyone i know comes on in the same period of time and it is...chaos. well i over exagurate but its not the happiest week of my month put it that way.
im going to sleep on my sofa tonight, i cant stand the idea of my bed.
i havent done my ICT or english or physics.
ah fuck that i'll be okay.
i need some music to listen to! i am listening to eminem right now, but its just not doing it for me, i dont feel like wheatus...i'll find something, even if its i dont know. hey lenoard choen sounds good?
mhhhhh i just dont want to wake up tomorrow.
and i am not looking forward to the holidays :( or even after the holidays oh god i dont know.
i need money!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Happy Days
ahhh this weekend has been great!
livvies birthday on saturday which was amazing! we, well I had so much fun dont know about the rest :D
romeo and juliet was fantastic and the fight scenes literaly had me on the edge of my seat! when they first started fightting it was like WOAH! FUCK FUCK FUCK! the tension was huge and well it was just very very good! so stick that miss picthall!
anyway thankyou livvie it really was a great day!
and ha ha on the way there and back we listened to this tape on road saftey, well it was sort of a story built especialy to get across the idea of road saftey with songs and everything! we had a eminem rap, a bowie piss take a bjork and a girls alowd or who ever they are pis take a very funny tape but i want to know! WHAT HAPPENS TO THE EVIL LIBRARIAN! that was so sad you never got to find that out! :(
anyway....i have spent all sunday doing homework! i have done:
chemistry: finnished off my coursework
english: started my essay
maths: did my test paper
german: a page on family relations
history: an exam question
biology: some questions on nitrates
*phew* but im happy ive got it all out of the way, its taken me all day!
listening to Blink 182, hopefully i will be getting two of their albums over amazon soon as well as some wheatus, eminem, naruto (yes livvie no.2 aswell) ultimate spiderman 3 and W.I.T.C.H so im pretty happy.
my furniture came today a day late (well acutualy three days) but hey anyway it came and it smells really nice of pine and varnish i cant wait to get all my clothes into them (a wardrobe and a chest of draws). but when the men were moving them up into my room the chest of draws was upside down to when they went to turn it up the right way all the draws fell out and it snapped one of the runners! i mean honestly its a chest of draws! you dont tip it on its front! silly people!
in other news i started this small sketch of what was going to be dai on my lil note pad in biro and well it just grew! its such a sweet picture i love that pairing so so so much! i think im going to re-write thier kiss scene tonight, im really proud of how the sketch turned out because as it was in pen i couldnt rub anything out!
uhg, now im sat at my desk after doing all of that homework with my horendus cold! my nose is streaming and my head hurts in a sort of groggy ahcey way.
watched King Kong last night it was good though it did go on for quiet a bit. i really liked the main dude, hot in a sort of gangly pathetic way. jack black just played himself again. as a characture he was good, even better maybe. but he looses all my respect because he is like that in real life, he is not acting he is just being himself.
uhm im sure there was more stuff i wanted to say but ill leave it there for now.
livvies birthday on saturday which was amazing! we, well I had so much fun dont know about the rest :D
romeo and juliet was fantastic and the fight scenes literaly had me on the edge of my seat! when they first started fightting it was like WOAH! FUCK FUCK FUCK! the tension was huge and well it was just very very good! so stick that miss picthall!
anyway thankyou livvie it really was a great day!
and ha ha on the way there and back we listened to this tape on road saftey, well it was sort of a story built especialy to get across the idea of road saftey with songs and everything! we had a eminem rap, a bowie piss take a bjork and a girls alowd or who ever they are pis take a very funny tape but i want to know! WHAT HAPPENS TO THE EVIL LIBRARIAN! that was so sad you never got to find that out! :(
anyway....i have spent all sunday doing homework! i have done:
chemistry: finnished off my coursework
english: started my essay
maths: did my test paper
german: a page on family relations
history: an exam question
biology: some questions on nitrates
*phew* but im happy ive got it all out of the way, its taken me all day!
listening to Blink 182, hopefully i will be getting two of their albums over amazon soon as well as some wheatus, eminem, naruto (yes livvie no.2 aswell) ultimate spiderman 3 and W.I.T.C.H so im pretty happy.
my furniture came today a day late (well acutualy three days) but hey anyway it came and it smells really nice of pine and varnish i cant wait to get all my clothes into them (a wardrobe and a chest of draws). but when the men were moving them up into my room the chest of draws was upside down to when they went to turn it up the right way all the draws fell out and it snapped one of the runners! i mean honestly its a chest of draws! you dont tip it on its front! silly people!
in other news i started this small sketch of what was going to be dai on my lil note pad in biro and well it just grew! its such a sweet picture i love that pairing so so so much! i think im going to re-write thier kiss scene tonight, im really proud of how the sketch turned out because as it was in pen i couldnt rub anything out!
uhg, now im sat at my desk after doing all of that homework with my horendus cold! my nose is streaming and my head hurts in a sort of groggy ahcey way.
watched King Kong last night it was good though it did go on for quiet a bit. i really liked the main dude, hot in a sort of gangly pathetic way. jack black just played himself again. as a characture he was good, even better maybe. but he looses all my respect because he is like that in real life, he is not acting he is just being himself.
uhm im sure there was more stuff i wanted to say but ill leave it there for now.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Some Place Like Home (webcomic)
Hell Yeah! woohoo, woohoo, woohoo partypartyparty!
guess who is now officialy part of the webcomic race!
ME thats who me me me me!
its finaly up, i cant belive it, it took me so long to get round to it! at first i hadnt scanned it and then when i did it was too big and i didnt have the right viewing softwear on my computer to re-size it, unless i put it onto paint which i did, i spent ages cutting and pasting and re-sizing it and i saved it but when it came to uploading it, lo-and behold the website doesnt take btm images! SO after getting very angry i managed to perswade my father to let me borrow his computer and away i went!so to cut a long story short i now have the first two cover pages up and i am doing the first page today/tomorrow hopefully....if you want to check it out ask me for the link! i will be more than happy to show off :D
in other news, my ear hurts, and i have just finnished watching the most amazing CSI ever!
and i mean ever ever ever!
omg it was so so good! and so so scary, i mean useualy these things dont scare me but uhg that was truly horrible! this guy had sown two guys together and one of them was still alive...and and and he the sowing guy had made this girl watch him do it so she chewed her own hand off to escape the shackels.
it was...disturbing
(this was actualy supposed to go onto myspace but the internet is fucking up)
guess who is now officialy part of the webcomic race!
ME thats who me me me me!
its finaly up, i cant belive it, it took me so long to get round to it! at first i hadnt scanned it and then when i did it was too big and i didnt have the right viewing softwear on my computer to re-size it, unless i put it onto paint which i did, i spent ages cutting and pasting and re-sizing it and i saved it but when it came to uploading it, lo-and behold the website doesnt take btm images! SO after getting very angry i managed to perswade my father to let me borrow his computer and away i went!so to cut a long story short i now have the first two cover pages up and i am doing the first page today/tomorrow hopefully....if you want to check it out ask me for the link! i will be more than happy to show off :D
in other news, my ear hurts, and i have just finnished watching the most amazing CSI ever!
and i mean ever ever ever!
omg it was so so good! and so so scary, i mean useualy these things dont scare me but uhg that was truly horrible! this guy had sown two guys together and one of them was still alive...and and and he the sowing guy had made this girl watch him do it so she chewed her own hand off to escape the shackels.
it was...disturbing
(this was actualy supposed to go onto myspace but the internet is fucking up)
Friday, May 05, 2006
Some Place Like Home
i ahve decided to change the name of the main characture in my manga.
no longer shall she be Suki, but Hitomi.
because Hitomi means 'doubley beautiful' and as mike names her i thought it was suitable.
mhhhhh i am really happy, its been a fucked week but it turned out right and i suppose thats all that matter :D
ryan told me that he was my gaurdian angel it was soo sweet, i luff him so much! XDD as a friend mind! XP because he wants to stay single...bollocks! he just doesnt want to be with me i swear he will have a new girlfriend soon and i bet you it will not be my name he frames in hearts.
anyway, i watched 'Elizabeth Town' its very sweet and a nice 'odnt have to watch it to get it' film.
orlando bloom is still damm hot! but i still like jonny dept better!
*sigh* listening to panic at the disco, i think i take it back, they dont sound annoyingly like fall out boy and i actualy listened to them in preferance to F.O.B this after noon, i think they are F.O.B's darker side...
anyhoo of to bed for Melissa...
i leave you with this finnishing note:
ryanrynaryanryan
XDD
no longer shall she be Suki, but Hitomi.
because Hitomi means 'doubley beautiful' and as mike names her i thought it was suitable.
mhhhhh i am really happy, its been a fucked week but it turned out right and i suppose thats all that matter :D
ryan told me that he was my gaurdian angel it was soo sweet, i luff him so much! XDD as a friend mind! XP because he wants to stay single...bollocks! he just doesnt want to be with me i swear he will have a new girlfriend soon and i bet you it will not be my name he frames in hearts.
anyway, i watched 'Elizabeth Town' its very sweet and a nice 'odnt have to watch it to get it' film.
orlando bloom is still damm hot! but i still like jonny dept better!
*sigh* listening to panic at the disco, i think i take it back, they dont sound annoyingly like fall out boy and i actualy listened to them in preferance to F.O.B this after noon, i think they are F.O.B's darker side...
anyhoo of to bed for Melissa...
i leave you with this finnishing note:
ryanrynaryanryan
XDD
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Anti-Social
fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off...
fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
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fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
fuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckofffuckfuckofffuckofffuckoff
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
KitKat and Tea
mhhh, yum yum kitkat and tea, well no i am actualy feeling sick now
i can feel my headache coming back and i am not in the best of moods...
im listening to system of a down, i really like them actualy especialy 'roulette' which is actualy wierd as it is the 'mel-i-want-to-break-up' song which todd sent me, meh i still like it its a nice song.
okkkay twas a wierd day and i am in a selfish mood, livvie was fucked off about something but she got (or acted) better in physics so i didnt want to persue it. you sort of reminded me of a seesaw or uhm what was it, thin ice... if you read this i hope you enjoy the sandman tonight.
waiting for ryan to come online as no one else is.
im angry at him and myself and everyone else and at the stupid situation i am in right now, i have decided that it is alot easier to just not like him anymore.
simple.
i just keep telling myself he is worth it, but im sorry the shit that is going down now i dont belive myself.
i keep twisting our converstaions and making excuses for him so i dont have to think that maybe he is not who i think he is. and i only tell the half truth to people so i have several different personas of ryan to keep up with several different people.
but that doesnt fucking mean everyone can point it out to me I AM GETTING FUCKING SICK WITH EVERYONE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! let me get this straight, and i will say this once:
I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS, LAST TIME I CHECKED IT WAS MY BUISNESS AND MINE ONLY! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT!
jeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss!
i dont care that he has a girl friend, i dont care that hes not trust worthy, i know i am going to get hurt in the long run, but i do not care i am 15 years old i am hardly going to marry him for fucks sake!
i achnowledge that when the enevitable does happen and it ends i cannot complaine, or be sad having said all i have above and maybe i will regret it.
i am beyond caring...
he drives me insaine though and i know he is not a very nice person when it comes to dealing with relationships (we were talking about it and he said that i should get so worked up about a 15yr old crush, that pissed me off hugely! i mean make me feel special why dont you!)
but that does not give you the right to call him what you do! okay it was a joke at first but now its just stupid ignorant and rude.
GET THE FUCK OFF MY BACK AND DIE!
okay right *phew*
uhm, im in a strange mood okay, im not unhappy, but i find myself needing less and less contact with the world, physical or phycological.
to tell you the truth, the world is fucking me off right now.
i dont want hugs they are annoying and i am finding it easier and easier just to ignore everyone.
OMG! my dad just called my mobile out of nowere just to tell me that he loved me and that he was sorry we fought!
how amazing is that, damm him damm him damm him! i want to not like him but then he goes and does something like that i mean how sweet and i could tell that he was feeling awkward telling me this and he was struggling to find something to talk about trying to make it less obvious that all he wanted to do was tell me that he was sorry!
XDD
i am really happy about that now wowie hee hee
so to round up:
i hate the world
i am not liking ryan
no hugs unless i inichiate them
my dad is soo cool \^o^/
oh yes and spiderman is cool too
i can feel my headache coming back and i am not in the best of moods...
im listening to system of a down, i really like them actualy especialy 'roulette' which is actualy wierd as it is the 'mel-i-want-to-break-up' song which todd sent me, meh i still like it its a nice song.
okkkay twas a wierd day and i am in a selfish mood, livvie was fucked off about something but she got (or acted) better in physics so i didnt want to persue it. you sort of reminded me of a seesaw or uhm what was it, thin ice... if you read this i hope you enjoy the sandman tonight.
waiting for ryan to come online as no one else is.
im angry at him and myself and everyone else and at the stupid situation i am in right now, i have decided that it is alot easier to just not like him anymore.
simple.
i just keep telling myself he is worth it, but im sorry the shit that is going down now i dont belive myself.
i keep twisting our converstaions and making excuses for him so i dont have to think that maybe he is not who i think he is. and i only tell the half truth to people so i have several different personas of ryan to keep up with several different people.
but that doesnt fucking mean everyone can point it out to me I AM GETTING FUCKING SICK WITH EVERYONE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! let me get this straight, and i will say this once:
I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS, LAST TIME I CHECKED IT WAS MY BUISNESS AND MINE ONLY! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT!
jeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss!
i dont care that he has a girl friend, i dont care that hes not trust worthy, i know i am going to get hurt in the long run, but i do not care i am 15 years old i am hardly going to marry him for fucks sake!
i achnowledge that when the enevitable does happen and it ends i cannot complaine, or be sad having said all i have above and maybe i will regret it.
i am beyond caring...
he drives me insaine though and i know he is not a very nice person when it comes to dealing with relationships (we were talking about it and he said that i should get so worked up about a 15yr old crush, that pissed me off hugely! i mean make me feel special why dont you!)
but that does not give you the right to call him what you do! okay it was a joke at first but now its just stupid ignorant and rude.
GET THE FUCK OFF MY BACK AND DIE!
okay right *phew*
uhm, im in a strange mood okay, im not unhappy, but i find myself needing less and less contact with the world, physical or phycological.
to tell you the truth, the world is fucking me off right now.
i dont want hugs they are annoying and i am finding it easier and easier just to ignore everyone.
OMG! my dad just called my mobile out of nowere just to tell me that he loved me and that he was sorry we fought!
how amazing is that, damm him damm him damm him! i want to not like him but then he goes and does something like that i mean how sweet and i could tell that he was feeling awkward telling me this and he was struggling to find something to talk about trying to make it less obvious that all he wanted to do was tell me that he was sorry!
XDD
i am really happy about that now wowie hee hee
so to round up:
i hate the world
i am not liking ryan
no hugs unless i inichiate them
my dad is soo cool \^o^/
oh yes and spiderman is cool too
Monday, May 01, 2006
head ache
dont feel like talking...
didnt see ryan today, dont ever be jealous of me
its not fucking worth it
didnt see ryan today, dont ever be jealous of me
its not fucking worth it
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