ah the sleep over at Michelles was great, we made cake-cookies which were yummy toasted marshmellows on a candle and watched three films practically back to back! lots of fun, i adore the breakfast club and intend to buy it as soon as possible.
it was a bit sad that i had to leave so fast in the morning but there we go.
met Grant outside wortikas (i couldnt meet him in the beers it felt wrong, because i guess thats were id always meet Will) i was looking forward to it, but feeling a littel guilty about Will, however hes moved onto Katie now so i guess its okay?
we went to see the Born Ultimatum which was amazing! (and yes we did watch all of it ¬_¬) nothing happened.
now i am going upstairs to watch Dogma...
because i now own it ^^
ha!
love xXx
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Simon and Garfunkle - Dangling Conversation.
Its a still life water color,
Of a now late afternoon,
As the sun shines through the curtained lace
And shadows wash the room.
And we sit and drink our coffee
Couched in our indifference,
Like shells upon the shore
You can hear the ocean roar
In the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs,
Are the borders of our lives.
And you read your emily dickinson,
And I my robert frost,
And we note our place with bookmarkers
That measure what weve lost.
Like a poem poorly written
We are verses out of rhythm,
Couplets out of rhyme,
In syncopated time
Lost in the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs,
Are the borders of our lives.
Yes, we speak of things that matter,
With words that must be said,
Can analysis be worthwhile?
Is the theater really dead?
And how the room is softly faded
And I only kiss your shadow,
I cannot feel your hand,
Youre a stranger now unto me
Lost in the dangling conversation.
And the superficial sighs,
In the borders of our lives.
Of a now late afternoon,
As the sun shines through the curtained lace
And shadows wash the room.
And we sit and drink our coffee
Couched in our indifference,
Like shells upon the shore
You can hear the ocean roar
In the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs,
Are the borders of our lives.
And you read your emily dickinson,
And I my robert frost,
And we note our place with bookmarkers
That measure what weve lost.
Like a poem poorly written
We are verses out of rhythm,
Couplets out of rhyme,
In syncopated time
Lost in the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs,
Are the borders of our lives.
Yes, we speak of things that matter,
With words that must be said,
Can analysis be worthwhile?
Is the theater really dead?
And how the room is softly faded
And I only kiss your shadow,
I cannot feel your hand,
Youre a stranger now unto me
Lost in the dangling conversation.
And the superficial sighs,
In the borders of our lives.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Pigs Pearls' Update.
‘I had wondered what it would be like to die’ a voice snuck round a corner and seeped into my bones. Grimiver Gables followed his voice like a faithful dog and lurched towards me like a man about to relive himself of his last meal.
‘I never really wanted to die’ he lamented and approached ever closer. He was tall but the years has bent him almost double and his spine poked so violently out of his back you felt that with just another move it would burst through the paper thin skin stretched tightly over it and glint in the low lighting, joyous at its release as the old man collapsed beneath it. White hair jutted out in tufts from under his battered top hat as crippled and crocked as its bearer, it had faded with age and now was like his skin, a shadow of its former glory, a dirty grey.
The light was enough to see how dull his eyes were, but it could never have reached into the depths of the deep wrinkles that carved their way about his face in strongly defined lines of laughter and woe in equal measure.
‘Now I walk alone in the crowds’ he croaked trailing like I had, and the thousands before me, a single hand along the wallpaper.
‘oh how I loved these walls, it was fitting that I would end here and now look at me’ he opened his arms wide revealing filthy clothes that were more rags than anything, mere ghosts of expensive finery. A waistcoat inlayed with silver thread that would have been quiet magnificent had the silver not become unravelled and fallen into a threadbare mess, patches of a white shirt that was frayed at the cuffs and moulding a sick grey pocked through were the fine silk was no more than a hole.
‘Dust, that is what I am, as god had intended all humanity, the perfect state. Disregarded and unwanted, ignored. Nothing more than a film that protects the unused from false hope and gently lulls them into the acceptance of time. Time that will eventually welcome them into warm archaic arms and crush them in an embrace. I float, unnoticed from place to place a speck, a folly, a nuisance that is swept up and forgotten. That is what has become of me. All my years. My beautiful wife. And all I count for. I am dust.’ he came to a stop in front of me and continued with his sorrowful monologue.
‘If only I could just’ he trailed away and raised his hand. A hand so bent and knurled and wizened with arthritis that it was a claw that hooked in a threatening crescent articulated with swollen knuckles and hanging with loose powdery skin that was cracked with wear and relentless age. As he reached out I almost heard the bones creak in protest at this uninvited movement, joints screaming and squealing as each finger unfurled in a one slow painful action. Until it finally came to a stop when I breathed a sigh of relief for the man, the tips of his fingers brushed my cheek. It felt like leather, smooth but broken in wrinkles and hard with over use, but the flesh was warm and alive.
‘I wish I had not died, I had so much left to do, so much left to say. My part was cut before its time like a green shoot to the farmers indifferent scythe, draped in black. Oh the stage has been cruel again. Was my life not to be a comedy? It is a tragedy, though amusing to see that I linger here past my time, so it is a comedy , but a foul one and I have no taste for it. The stage it is my cobra and I like the foolish the charmed musician lent in for the kiss. Oh what a kiss, I felt the venom seep past my lips as real as I feel the clammy grip of death slowly tighten around my throat.’
‘I never really wanted to die’ he lamented and approached ever closer. He was tall but the years has bent him almost double and his spine poked so violently out of his back you felt that with just another move it would burst through the paper thin skin stretched tightly over it and glint in the low lighting, joyous at its release as the old man collapsed beneath it. White hair jutted out in tufts from under his battered top hat as crippled and crocked as its bearer, it had faded with age and now was like his skin, a shadow of its former glory, a dirty grey.
The light was enough to see how dull his eyes were, but it could never have reached into the depths of the deep wrinkles that carved their way about his face in strongly defined lines of laughter and woe in equal measure.
‘Now I walk alone in the crowds’ he croaked trailing like I had, and the thousands before me, a single hand along the wallpaper.
‘oh how I loved these walls, it was fitting that I would end here and now look at me’ he opened his arms wide revealing filthy clothes that were more rags than anything, mere ghosts of expensive finery. A waistcoat inlayed with silver thread that would have been quiet magnificent had the silver not become unravelled and fallen into a threadbare mess, patches of a white shirt that was frayed at the cuffs and moulding a sick grey pocked through were the fine silk was no more than a hole.
‘Dust, that is what I am, as god had intended all humanity, the perfect state. Disregarded and unwanted, ignored. Nothing more than a film that protects the unused from false hope and gently lulls them into the acceptance of time. Time that will eventually welcome them into warm archaic arms and crush them in an embrace. I float, unnoticed from place to place a speck, a folly, a nuisance that is swept up and forgotten. That is what has become of me. All my years. My beautiful wife. And all I count for. I am dust.’ he came to a stop in front of me and continued with his sorrowful monologue.
‘If only I could just’ he trailed away and raised his hand. A hand so bent and knurled and wizened with arthritis that it was a claw that hooked in a threatening crescent articulated with swollen knuckles and hanging with loose powdery skin that was cracked with wear and relentless age. As he reached out I almost heard the bones creak in protest at this uninvited movement, joints screaming and squealing as each finger unfurled in a one slow painful action. Until it finally came to a stop when I breathed a sigh of relief for the man, the tips of his fingers brushed my cheek. It felt like leather, smooth but broken in wrinkles and hard with over use, but the flesh was warm and alive.
‘I wish I had not died, I had so much left to do, so much left to say. My part was cut before its time like a green shoot to the farmers indifferent scythe, draped in black. Oh the stage has been cruel again. Was my life not to be a comedy? It is a tragedy, though amusing to see that I linger here past my time, so it is a comedy , but a foul one and I have no taste for it. The stage it is my cobra and I like the foolish the charmed musician lent in for the kiss. Oh what a kiss, I felt the venom seep past my lips as real as I feel the clammy grip of death slowly tighten around my throat.’
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Joe's Party.
i feel horrible, i have an awful cold and its so painful i feel sluggish and tired and like lead and i just want to go to sleep.
watched some Friends, have decided that of them all i like Rachel the least. shes so boring, and pathetic and whiny and high maintanence i just want to shoot her. Ross deserves better.
the party was amazing.
but im just going to do a breif blog entry because i feel too horrible and manky to do anything more than that.
the events that follow may not be in the right order but meh.
so, 11:30 met Tahmina, so wonderful remembered how much i missed her, so happy that it wasnt awkward at all!
got on bus with sarah williams who talks insainly quietly!
met up with Jaz Andy Steve Mike (¬_¬) and Elerie.
got food sat in beers.
went to meet Tahminas frineds from Pates, Becky, someone else who wasnt particularly memorable and Grant.
Grants amazing.
Will came in for a sec and we went to Subway, it was so nice, we acted exactly the same as we have been doing for weeks (which if anything emphasizes the fact that i was right to break up with him, even if hes fucked deep down, there is nothing i can do?)
Michelle came in and met everyone.
Brogan (looking like a slut) came up and chatted for abit, she was sat with Rob.
couldnt concentrate on anything other than him for about 10 minutes.
ever so slightly ashamed.
Tahminas two girl friends left they were nice though abit timid.
then Tahmina had to go was really sad but promised to see eachother again soon, so glad she had a good time really releved that she hadnt changed etc.
Grant stayed.
at 5 Mike Elerie and Steve had to leave.
the remains played with the idea of going to the cinema, but nothing fitted out criteria.
so Grant and Michelle and i went to Wilkinsons to get caffine as Jaz and Andy made their way back to beers.
Will was at the beers ^^
Andy had to go but would be coming back.
Katie Hannah G Kit and Jess arived 8.
invited Grant to Pizza Hut (it was highly iregular, but to be honest i couldnt care less, he was such fun i didnt really see any reason not to include him?)
went to Pizza Hut ate food generally had a great time.
went back to the beers (now at 9:30) to wait for Joe to come off of work with Frankie.
broke the first rule of Joe's party by getting the police involved when we used a stollen trolley to transport all of our bags to said beers.
sat about looking at stars with Grant and Jaz.
walked Grant to bus stop, sliiiightly awkward but nothing major, really nice hugs and promises to keep in touch etc.
walked back (planned to ambush the group, but Joe rang me as i was creeping up and blew my cover, had to act like i ment to do it)
got on bus with Joe Frankie and co. feeling REALLY tired
bus went uber fast.
got back to Joes house which was amazing.
imidiatly started to drink (white wine in a tea mug, i dont know, when i have my own flat (with Jess obviously i shall not have any wine glasses but tea mugs)
Jaz and I got rather tipsy rather fast.
laughter rose an octave.
after that its abit of a 'blur' however remember being HUGELY amused by a Zebra that looked like a hippo and the fact that Jaz had put a waist paper basket over his head and was claiming to be 'The Wika Man' (to the point were i was cradeling my head in my arms and shrieking)
Jaz began to feel very ill at about 3am
took him up to the bathroom and lent him over the toilet.
proceeded to read him a magasine called 'Camping Life' and about the certain lygistics of buying a suitable tent.
Jess came up.
Andy came up and found us in the shower (obviously turned off)
he looked scared.
about 40 minutes after this Jaz proceeded to hurl up his guts in a torrent of purple vomit (from the red wine).
stayed for a while, fethcing water and such Andy stayed rubbing Jaz's back.
Jaz fell asleep beside the toilet.
i made a bed in the bath and dosed there for abit to make sure he wasnt going to throw up and then choke on his own vomit.
got bored after an hour and came down and got into the sofa bed with Joe.
he was tired but we had a really nice hug (totaly un-sexual)
and then he fell asleep on me.
jaz came down at about 5:30.
got major munchie attack so took a band of my most trusted men (Michelle and Andy) to the 24hour garage 5 minutes down the road and bought Revels.
get back, eat, everyone decideds its probably a good idea to get some sleep at about 6:30.
have fitful uncomfortable sleep, using joe as a pillow.
all arouse at about 8:30.
breakfast.
trickle of people leave untill it is just Michelle Jaz Joe and I.
had a fight with Frankie Joe Jaz and Michelle, highly amusing.
decide to play on the X Box.
Michelle is called away before she can do much damage.
Jaz Joe and I play from 11 to 1 various games from mario to burnout revenge.
lots of fun.
walk to Gloucester.
end.
watched some Friends, have decided that of them all i like Rachel the least. shes so boring, and pathetic and whiny and high maintanence i just want to shoot her. Ross deserves better.
the party was amazing.
but im just going to do a breif blog entry because i feel too horrible and manky to do anything more than that.
the events that follow may not be in the right order but meh.
so, 11:30 met Tahmina, so wonderful remembered how much i missed her, so happy that it wasnt awkward at all!
got on bus with sarah williams who talks insainly quietly!
met up with Jaz Andy Steve Mike (¬_¬) and Elerie.
got food sat in beers.
went to meet Tahminas frineds from Pates, Becky, someone else who wasnt particularly memorable and Grant.
Grants amazing.
Will came in for a sec and we went to Subway, it was so nice, we acted exactly the same as we have been doing for weeks (which if anything emphasizes the fact that i was right to break up with him, even if hes fucked deep down, there is nothing i can do?)
Michelle came in and met everyone.
Brogan (looking like a slut) came up and chatted for abit, she was sat with Rob.
couldnt concentrate on anything other than him for about 10 minutes.
ever so slightly ashamed.
Tahminas two girl friends left they were nice though abit timid.
then Tahmina had to go was really sad but promised to see eachother again soon, so glad she had a good time really releved that she hadnt changed etc.
Grant stayed.
at 5 Mike Elerie and Steve had to leave.
the remains played with the idea of going to the cinema, but nothing fitted out criteria.
so Grant and Michelle and i went to Wilkinsons to get caffine as Jaz and Andy made their way back to beers.
Will was at the beers ^^
Andy had to go but would be coming back.
Katie Hannah G Kit and Jess arived 8.
invited Grant to Pizza Hut (it was highly iregular, but to be honest i couldnt care less, he was such fun i didnt really see any reason not to include him?)
went to Pizza Hut ate food generally had a great time.
went back to the beers (now at 9:30) to wait for Joe to come off of work with Frankie.
broke the first rule of Joe's party by getting the police involved when we used a stollen trolley to transport all of our bags to said beers.
sat about looking at stars with Grant and Jaz.
walked Grant to bus stop, sliiiightly awkward but nothing major, really nice hugs and promises to keep in touch etc.
walked back (planned to ambush the group, but Joe rang me as i was creeping up and blew my cover, had to act like i ment to do it)
got on bus with Joe Frankie and co. feeling REALLY tired
bus went uber fast.
got back to Joes house which was amazing.
imidiatly started to drink (white wine in a tea mug, i dont know, when i have my own flat (with Jess obviously i shall not have any wine glasses but tea mugs)
Jaz and I got rather tipsy rather fast.
laughter rose an octave.
after that its abit of a 'blur' however remember being HUGELY amused by a Zebra that looked like a hippo and the fact that Jaz had put a waist paper basket over his head and was claiming to be 'The Wika Man' (to the point were i was cradeling my head in my arms and shrieking)
Jaz began to feel very ill at about 3am
took him up to the bathroom and lent him over the toilet.
proceeded to read him a magasine called 'Camping Life' and about the certain lygistics of buying a suitable tent.
Jess came up.
Andy came up and found us in the shower (obviously turned off)
he looked scared.
about 40 minutes after this Jaz proceeded to hurl up his guts in a torrent of purple vomit (from the red wine).
stayed for a while, fethcing water and such Andy stayed rubbing Jaz's back.
Jaz fell asleep beside the toilet.
i made a bed in the bath and dosed there for abit to make sure he wasnt going to throw up and then choke on his own vomit.
got bored after an hour and came down and got into the sofa bed with Joe.
he was tired but we had a really nice hug (totaly un-sexual)
and then he fell asleep on me.
jaz came down at about 5:30.
got major munchie attack so took a band of my most trusted men (Michelle and Andy) to the 24hour garage 5 minutes down the road and bought Revels.
get back, eat, everyone decideds its probably a good idea to get some sleep at about 6:30.
have fitful uncomfortable sleep, using joe as a pillow.
all arouse at about 8:30.
breakfast.
trickle of people leave untill it is just Michelle Jaz Joe and I.
had a fight with Frankie Joe Jaz and Michelle, highly amusing.
decide to play on the X Box.
Michelle is called away before she can do much damage.
Jaz Joe and I play from 11 to 1 various games from mario to burnout revenge.
lots of fun.
walk to Gloucester.
end.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Timelines.
i feel like a shit.
a stupid fucking little shit.
selfish.
ass.
fuck.
i feel like dirt.
broke up with Will.
right thing to do.
doesnt make it any less hard.
a stupid fucking little shit.
selfish.
ass.
fuck.
i feel like dirt.
broke up with Will.
right thing to do.
doesnt make it any less hard.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Shameless?
this annoys me!
http://sinned-angel-stock.deviantart.com/art/Shameless-59164579
i draw scrawny ugly naked women with bad hair and celulite and lable THEM shameless and she calls this shameless?
and ofcorse we have the confessions of the drama queen along with it?
i would have been able to swallow this if it had been of her without makeup and showing her whole body, rejoicing in the fact that she was not ashamed of herself.
not this pouty makeup spattered delecate emo pose.
and she is not ugly, she is conventionaly pretty, which means that she CAN show pictures like this and claim to be un ashamed of her body. if she was a huge ugly spotty pig nosed buck toothed monster and stood there in that photo frame hands on hips and beaming, i would have so much respect for her.
but she is not.
fucking hell she even used PHOTOSHOP IN A PICTURE SUPPOSED TO PORTRAY THAT SHE WAS PROUD OF WHO SHE WAS NATURALLY!
perhapes i am being too judgmental?
i dont care.
http://sinned-angel-stock.deviantart.com/art/Shameless-59164579
i draw scrawny ugly naked women with bad hair and celulite and lable THEM shameless and she calls this shameless?
and ofcorse we have the confessions of the drama queen along with it?
i would have been able to swallow this if it had been of her without makeup and showing her whole body, rejoicing in the fact that she was not ashamed of herself.
not this pouty makeup spattered delecate emo pose.
and she is not ugly, she is conventionaly pretty, which means that she CAN show pictures like this and claim to be un ashamed of her body. if she was a huge ugly spotty pig nosed buck toothed monster and stood there in that photo frame hands on hips and beaming, i would have so much respect for her.
but she is not.
fucking hell she even used PHOTOSHOP IN A PICTURE SUPPOSED TO PORTRAY THAT SHE WAS PROUD OF WHO SHE WAS NATURALLY!
perhapes i am being too judgmental?
i dont care.
Monkey Poop.
just a quick one as i havent written anything in a while, ive been buisy alot.
met up with Jonjon which was nice, im always terrified that were going to end up in awkward silence but we never do which is great. bumped into Ryan in starbucks he said hi and i yelled and he laughed and said long time no see and i laughed and ssaid yes and worried about the fact that my heart was going to tear itself from my chest. but it didnt and i got over it in record time and he looked like an asshole so i can safely say that i couldnt give a shit.
drawing Pixie is so much fun, im going to write about her more.
yeah, enough...
bye
met up with Jonjon which was nice, im always terrified that were going to end up in awkward silence but we never do which is great. bumped into Ryan in starbucks he said hi and i yelled and he laughed and said long time no see and i laughed and ssaid yes and worried about the fact that my heart was going to tear itself from my chest. but it didnt and i got over it in record time and he looked like an asshole so i can safely say that i couldnt give a shit.
drawing Pixie is so much fun, im going to write about her more.
yeah, enough...
bye
Thursday, September 13, 2007
What's it like to realise.
i LOVE those lyrics. listened to benfolds songs for silver man for the first time though i bought it like a year ago and i must say its probably my favourite album of his. not because of the songs but because it just works as an album all of the songs fit together perfectly.
last night was horrific, i cant describe it but it was like a huge 'feeling' had decended onto our house and you know how it always gets really stuffy before summer storms, it felt like that sticky and opressive. i went to sleep at 7 just so i could get away from that feeling, i intend to do the same tonight. my dad said that he didnt know why he bothered trying to have a relationship with me because i was just like her. her being my mother. that made me cry a little but not much, the kind of sob twice and then stop crying because there isnt any point in crying, crying.
i woke up and the feeling still hadnt left which was why when i came into school and for about half the day i wallowed in depression. im not calling it self pitty because i dont want to joke about how shit it makes me feels right now, which i guess should be some sort of indication to how horrible i am feeling.
the ALISE tests didnt help at all. do you have ANY idea how depressing those things are. well, of corse you do.
that is why i didnt do it. i sat there for an hour and doodled. fuck them okay. fuck them and the high fucking horse they rode in on. they can go shove their statistics up their puckered little ass holes!
anyway on an ending note, the book fight club in AMAZING! and i bought a manga about zombie fighting lesbians, mainly because of the art, but i find that stories about same sex relationships (as long as its not just an excuse for fan girls to beat off to badly drawn yaoi) is generally more interesting as michelle was saying and i agree with, people who are open about their sexuality tend to be more intellegant.
which makes for better reading.
also, i dont know last night i really really really needed badly badly to talk to Will, just you know, to talk to him. so i texted him saying i wasnt feeling too greta and i needed a hug. he didnt text back. i fell asleep and had a dream about me asking him why he didnt text back and he said he couldnt be bothered. then i woke up and he hadnt texted back. and i really needed to talk to him. and when i got to school, he didnt even mention it. he tryed to hug me and i felt repulsed and involentarily i jurked away and he was for a second left standing there looking like an utter idiot. i think i almost hated him then. but tis okay again i guess.
i dont want to be alone.
i dont want to be alone.
i dont want...
oh.
last night was horrific, i cant describe it but it was like a huge 'feeling' had decended onto our house and you know how it always gets really stuffy before summer storms, it felt like that sticky and opressive. i went to sleep at 7 just so i could get away from that feeling, i intend to do the same tonight. my dad said that he didnt know why he bothered trying to have a relationship with me because i was just like her. her being my mother. that made me cry a little but not much, the kind of sob twice and then stop crying because there isnt any point in crying, crying.
i woke up and the feeling still hadnt left which was why when i came into school and for about half the day i wallowed in depression. im not calling it self pitty because i dont want to joke about how shit it makes me feels right now, which i guess should be some sort of indication to how horrible i am feeling.
the ALISE tests didnt help at all. do you have ANY idea how depressing those things are. well, of corse you do.
that is why i didnt do it. i sat there for an hour and doodled. fuck them okay. fuck them and the high fucking horse they rode in on. they can go shove their statistics up their puckered little ass holes!
anyway on an ending note, the book fight club in AMAZING! and i bought a manga about zombie fighting lesbians, mainly because of the art, but i find that stories about same sex relationships (as long as its not just an excuse for fan girls to beat off to badly drawn yaoi) is generally more interesting as michelle was saying and i agree with, people who are open about their sexuality tend to be more intellegant.
which makes for better reading.
also, i dont know last night i really really really needed badly badly to talk to Will, just you know, to talk to him. so i texted him saying i wasnt feeling too greta and i needed a hug. he didnt text back. i fell asleep and had a dream about me asking him why he didnt text back and he said he couldnt be bothered. then i woke up and he hadnt texted back. and i really needed to talk to him. and when i got to school, he didnt even mention it. he tryed to hug me and i felt repulsed and involentarily i jurked away and he was for a second left standing there looking like an utter idiot. i think i almost hated him then. but tis okay again i guess.
i dont want to be alone.
i dont want to be alone.
i dont want...
oh.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Paintballing.
Ah! Paintballing was amazing! okay i shall recount the day: woken up at 7am at jess's immediately regret staying up so late, but i had a good time anyway (watched the History Boys (which, Michelle is nothing like the Secret History and i have NO idea what possessed me to say that) ANYWAY! walked to Riverside listening to 'Get Behind Me Satan' best White Stripes album ever! and met all of wills friends! ah they are so funny, one of them will be really good looking in a few years! yes so we set off, Dad wasn’t in a very good mood because mum and him fought before they left, but I knew he'd brighten up when we got there. anyway we got there and i immediately wanted to leave, i just, was tired and didn’t like the people we would be paintballing with and so on so forth. we got our kit on (a big black boiler suit and goggles with helmet) and then a guy came over to put coloured tape on us so people would know who’s team we were on his name was Jon. Jon had long floppy slightly curly dark hair under a beanie, a boyish moustache (VERY wispy) and teeth a little too big to fit in his mouth; he walked with a sort awkward swagger and smiled a lot. So i talked to Jon ^^ it was nice because he was nice. Then we had the safety check (which was a recording BUT the woman actually put emotion into her voice and she was really sarcy saying things like 'if you take your goggles off, you will get shot and you will go blind') and we began to walk into the forest. Last time i went paintballing, i got hurt really badly, so walking through that forest i began to feel scared. Like properly scared, not just nervous. tHis first game was played reds against blues (each teams of twenty) and it was called Fortress. So the blues held the fortress and the reds had to get the 'bomb' (a black gas can thing) into the fort. I took up position in a little window neesh (can’t be asked to spell that) and began shooting. oh it was so cool, head shots didn’t count, which was a fucking good thing because i got shot so many times in the head i had paint running down the INSIDE of my helmet. The reds finally won and we switched over. Oh it was such fun hiding and shooting from behind trees and things and my heart was going and the adrenalin was CORSING through my veins! Anyway, so i (finding that i was actually a pretty good shot) was picking them off like flies and these two other adults were slowly making their way with the bomb but they got shot! So my dad rushed in and grabbed it and i opened fire to cover him and he jumped into the fort and we won! It was a pretty cool feeling covering my dads back, because without me he would have been shot. The next game was Battle Zone and this one was my favourite. It wasn’t because anything especially spectacular happened, it was just really nice and not too nerve wracking but still quiet trying. i made some pretty good shots and picked off a few people, but then i got shot and had to go to the dead zone (this was a capture the flag game) anyway so it was my dad and my brother left and suddenly (having sort of zoned out) there were cries from the people (also 'dead') and i looked up to see a man in a black boiled suit LEGGING it up the field the enemies flag in hand and suddenly everyone in the dead zone is on their feet yelling (if blue) YEAH YEAH GOGOGO RUUUUN! (If red) NONONONONO! HE'S RUNNING SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM! I realised it was my father streaking down that acre. So the blues won that round as well. The next was the village. This consisted of four huts (log built) in a sort of diamondy square and the objective was to occupy all of these huts. In the blue team there were two other adults in full on kaki gear. dad and i thought they were going to be pretentious assholes, but then one of them was like 'okay group huddle round we have to really work together for this one, we should take the two flanking houses, don’t bother about the one nearest us because if we get the flanking houses the enemy wont be able to get past us' so that was the plan teams of two and charge! I was paired with kaki guy and when the marshal yelled game on we both ran FLAT OUT! To that house it was so much fun! We got there amidst heavy gunfire threw ourselves into the hut and took up positions. then i ran out of ammo, if you run out of paint that’s it your 'dead' and you have to sit the rest of the game out, so kaki guy yells for me to come over to him, and he gives me half of his ammo! Then he says 'we have one more hut, let’s charge it!' so we did and I got into the hut and won the game for us all. After we were traipsing back for lunch he said well done to me and shook my hand, which made me feel really grown up you know. Next was theCastle game. Basically a castle and one team has to stay inside and the other team has to sneak round the back and raise a flag on a flagpole. Unfortunately the flag is 3m away from the fort, the shortest distance you can be shot at without the pellet breaking your skin. So whoever went to raise that flag was going to get shot by at least ten people in the castle at almost point blank range. It seemed impossible but amazingly each time the attacking team managed to raise the flag. when the blues were attacking my dad my brother and I snuck round the side to were the flag was, my dad burst out and pulled it a third of the way up, then he got shot, I dashed out and pulled it another third before getting hit three times (shoulder hip and ass) then my brother ran out and managed to hitch it up to the top before getting shot twice in the groin! Ha, good thing he was wearing protection. Next was speed ball, basically team inhalation, there were sets of barrels each again 3m apart so were ever you were you were at point blank range with the opposition, so you all crowded behind the marshal shouted game on and you all had to dash out as fucking fast as you could to get to a barrel before you were shot to pieces! And to make it even more interesting the marshal would shout every thirty seconds ‘CHANGE BARRLES!’ then you would have to run (again as fast as possible) within ten seconds or you were out.
Okay well its been two days now and my enthusiasm on this matter has dwindled.
Today (Monday) was okay I guess, though its horrible to see that friendship groups have been completely destroyed by the influx of new people. I also find it distressing when I’m around all my old (and to be honest) real friends as well as all the new people (guys included) because I feel that there is a huge difference between who I am when I’m around people I know very well and people who I just know a little bit. So it confuses me. I do act differently around guys than I do girls, I know I do and whether it seems I do or not Is irrelevant. Uhg I don’t know, I think that’s enough for you to have read so far. Oh also began work on a Gaara cosplay outfit, its going to cost me at least £60 to get materials but tis going to be GREAT I can not wait! The only problem I have is what material to make the strap holding the gourd up out of. Finished watchmen amazing.
As Rorschach would say.
Okay well its been two days now and my enthusiasm on this matter has dwindled.
Today (Monday) was okay I guess, though its horrible to see that friendship groups have been completely destroyed by the influx of new people. I also find it distressing when I’m around all my old (and to be honest) real friends as well as all the new people (guys included) because I feel that there is a huge difference between who I am when I’m around people I know very well and people who I just know a little bit. So it confuses me. I do act differently around guys than I do girls, I know I do and whether it seems I do or not Is irrelevant. Uhg I don’t know, I think that’s enough for you to have read so far. Oh also began work on a Gaara cosplay outfit, its going to cost me at least £60 to get materials but tis going to be GREAT I can not wait! The only problem I have is what material to make the strap holding the gourd up out of. Finished watchmen amazing.
As Rorschach would say.
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