To Smog,
seeing as you have the disability of being in Canada. and could not be here on the day that the event took place. i shall tell you of:
THE DOWN FALL OF MISS PITBULL!
okay, so we have had loads of assembels on 'goals' and 'what we want out of life' and 'happiness' and 'sucsess' and 'what we didnt want in our lives'. all a load of plastic bollocks.
(the kind of thing that screams INVISIBLE THEATER!)
goals were things like, have children
what we wanted out of life was world peace
we didnt want war
happiness was love
and sucsess was being happy
yes, and that is what Miss America wants, that is what you are supposed to want. what society tells you to want!
they want us to think 2+2=5.
My goals are to be an artist
I want money, and sex!
I will be happy when I get these!
I dont want to end up working in McDonalds!
and that is when i know i have had a sucsessful life!
anyway i digress....
this assembely was on 'who we admire'
¬_¬ give me a fucking break!
we were asked to put our hands up and say who:
they were people like Gahndi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luthor King, and i kid you not Brity Spears was mentioned.
so i thought, fuck this!
stook my hand up in the air and miss pikaxe said 'melissa' and i said infront of the entire year.
'Niel Gaiman'
'sorry melissa, who?'
'Niel Gaiman miss'
'oh i, i dont think i know who that is, could you spell it?'
'G-A-I-M-A-N' (oh, i should have just gone G-O-D)
'and who is that'
'he is an author miss'
'oh an author, oops i'm an english teacher, i should know who that is shouldnt i'
yes miss pimple, you should.
cue the entirity of year 11 and staff, laughing at her, you should have seen her face Livvie, it matched her 'V' necked diamond patterned swetter!
fuschia.
ha.
ha.
ha.
Niel Gaiman, Godman. what can i say, beyond words.
yeah okay, so its not that great >,<
it was funny as hell though, wish you'd been there, i worrie for the general intelegance level of that school, the three needs its fourth, to show them whats bloody what!
filthy plebs.
(uhg and i thought i was going to get an early night)
i hope Keane, blows your emo socks off.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Old Thoughts.
some old thoughts i had, when the internet was down and i couldnt blog.
12/01/07
It’s been a pretty fucked up evening,
To begin with I had to cook for my siblings as mum was out for parents evening. And I asked my brother to help me lay the table and he just sat there and did nothing, so I then told him if he wasn’t going to help he could fucking make his own dinner and almost threw the bowl of raw scrambled egg at him (I hate the stuff myself) so whilst he was struggling to even find a bloody sauce pan to cook the vile stuff in, Hannah and I ate our tea and then I left him in the kitchen to sort his own lazy self out. It annoyed me so so much and he is SUCH A SULKER! Uhg! I’d much rather we had a shouting match then he just sat there glaring into space!
We also have no Internet, which makes my evening considerably more boring and means that I have a distinct feeling of being cut off from the world. So instead I half-heartedly watched Advent Children, whilst half-heartedly colouring a few pictures. I have restarted Ocean Gypsy; I do LOVE that drawing so much!
After my mother came back from parents evening there was that awkward…
‘okay was it good or was it bad, oh shit.’
But no she sat down and we talked for an hour about everything, an hour with my dad is nothing but I hardly ever talk to my mother properly so this was a much-welcomed event. She told me the usual, but she said that she was much less worried now about my grades then she had been. Also some highly cool things: Mr Hathaway told mother that I could easily be an Oxbridge (its like a highbred, meaning that I could go to either Oxford or Cambridge, i never knew that. but aparently its a common thing :S) student and that I was working at a metal level that far surpassed even A level! That blew me away I mean Mr Hathaway is one of the few teachers I love and respect in the school (Miss Fairhurst and Mrs Cundy being two other examples) and you know, getting a compliment for someone like that just made me so insanely happy I just couldn’t stop grinning like an ass for the next half an hour! Also Mrs Cundy was very complimentary of me.
One thing though that really swung me off kilter (is that the right expression?) was Miss Picthall.
She asked my mother if I was enjoying school? And my mother just sat and blinked because to be honest that’s a bollocks question it’s like saying, ‘do you enjoy living?’
She said that I had become moody and developing ‘problem child’ symptoms.
Which, as miss Manning’s comment did yesterday (well by the time I post this, as the internet is down it shall two days ago) made me what to burst into tears again.
And I still have to work out why. I don’t like it, it has become disturbing. It’s fucked, because yes I enjoy school, I have no choice so I might as well, but there’s something I don’t know. It’s not something I can put into words and something I feel that if I could, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so anyway.
Then I got talking with my mother about self-harming and how I thought that it was just a load of hyped up SHIT! Yes you heard me correctly, to all you fucking, weak useless, feeble people out there, who cut because ‘it’s the only way you can feel’ FUCK YOU! Okay, don’t silt your wrists, go SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROATS! You make me sick.
It’s pathetic, and it’s disgusting. Because if you had real problems, you wouldn’t go around with a wristband on, displaying one (shallow) cut poking out, in the vain hope that someone will notice. And if you really had problems you wouldn't say when asked about your so obviously grazed knuckles ‘…oh…I fell’ cue the delicate, deliberate hiding of the hand and the eyes flicker to the top left.
Did it ever occur to you that anyone with real problems, probably never actually cut?
Never fucking advertised it like a huge banner waving over their heads, pity me I’m a cutter. Probably because they are too busy DEALING with the problems, then sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and the problems that they don’t actually have.
Did it not? No?
One day I hope you make a mistake and cut too deep, because only then will you realise that its not worth it and it never was, and I will laugh at you, because by the time your slow little mind have come to that oh so simple conclusion, and it will be too late.
Maybe if the ambulance gets to your pitiable corpse I will pay the driver to crash, or to forget how to read oxygen and feed you carbon monoxide through a tube.
Because you want to die don’t you, because you can’t take it, you can’t take the pain of you sheltered, middle class, snug, white upbringing.
I may never go to heaven but I fucking wish you’d go to hell.
i was very angry. i had a reason to be angry.
i am not as anygry now. but my oppinion still stands. though not as rudely.
today my mother came to talk to me about her counseling. again i saw myself reflected in my father (who to my GREAT suprise has now also agreed to go to a counsiler). he really does love her. again it makes me sad.
i think she is hinting at a divorce, the way she was pussy footing around something i KNEW she wanted to say, in the way you, just know. she talked about how people changed and how society wouldnt allow it and how father was smothering her with love.
which i think is unfair, because he does love her.
finding it hard to sleep again. i actualy fell asleep in tutorial and everyine left without me!!! they fucking left me! so the teacher of the next lesson came in and was like, 'are you okay' and i was like 'WHAT THE FUCK WERE DID EVERYINE GO!!!' and then i spent the rest of the morning in a half waking state. everything felt so soft, even the ground i was walking on and the cold wind.
our class is going to do a spoof of Peter Pan for our school asembely, its our last year why not? its going to be great.
i'll disclose more details later, and as they come along. but at the moment, Peter is gay, and in love with Tiger Billy! (thankyou Helena for that genius) and to 'fly' to neverland they use cocaine, or 'pixie dust' therefore making TinkerBell, a drug dealer. Captin Hook is going to be a gangster, who thinks he is black and there is a secret pirate hand shake. he also has a phobia of cats, and as his entire crew are female that presents quiet a problem (i thought that was highly witty and funny, and still do, work it out yourselves :P) there are a few more small things but i can not be asked to reveal ALL just yet...
12/01/07
It’s been a pretty fucked up evening,
To begin with I had to cook for my siblings as mum was out for parents evening. And I asked my brother to help me lay the table and he just sat there and did nothing, so I then told him if he wasn’t going to help he could fucking make his own dinner and almost threw the bowl of raw scrambled egg at him (I hate the stuff myself) so whilst he was struggling to even find a bloody sauce pan to cook the vile stuff in, Hannah and I ate our tea and then I left him in the kitchen to sort his own lazy self out. It annoyed me so so much and he is SUCH A SULKER! Uhg! I’d much rather we had a shouting match then he just sat there glaring into space!
We also have no Internet, which makes my evening considerably more boring and means that I have a distinct feeling of being cut off from the world. So instead I half-heartedly watched Advent Children, whilst half-heartedly colouring a few pictures. I have restarted Ocean Gypsy; I do LOVE that drawing so much!
After my mother came back from parents evening there was that awkward…
‘okay was it good or was it bad, oh shit.’
But no she sat down and we talked for an hour about everything, an hour with my dad is nothing but I hardly ever talk to my mother properly so this was a much-welcomed event. She told me the usual, but she said that she was much less worried now about my grades then she had been. Also some highly cool things: Mr Hathaway told mother that I could easily be an Oxbridge (its like a highbred, meaning that I could go to either Oxford or Cambridge, i never knew that. but aparently its a common thing :S) student and that I was working at a metal level that far surpassed even A level! That blew me away I mean Mr Hathaway is one of the few teachers I love and respect in the school (Miss Fairhurst and Mrs Cundy being two other examples) and you know, getting a compliment for someone like that just made me so insanely happy I just couldn’t stop grinning like an ass for the next half an hour! Also Mrs Cundy was very complimentary of me.
One thing though that really swung me off kilter (is that the right expression?) was Miss Picthall.
She asked my mother if I was enjoying school? And my mother just sat and blinked because to be honest that’s a bollocks question it’s like saying, ‘do you enjoy living?’
She said that I had become moody and developing ‘problem child’ symptoms.
Which, as miss Manning’s comment did yesterday (well by the time I post this, as the internet is down it shall two days ago) made me what to burst into tears again.
And I still have to work out why. I don’t like it, it has become disturbing. It’s fucked, because yes I enjoy school, I have no choice so I might as well, but there’s something I don’t know. It’s not something I can put into words and something I feel that if I could, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so anyway.
Then I got talking with my mother about self-harming and how I thought that it was just a load of hyped up SHIT! Yes you heard me correctly, to all you fucking, weak useless, feeble people out there, who cut because ‘it’s the only way you can feel’ FUCK YOU! Okay, don’t silt your wrists, go SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROATS! You make me sick.
It’s pathetic, and it’s disgusting. Because if you had real problems, you wouldn’t go around with a wristband on, displaying one (shallow) cut poking out, in the vain hope that someone will notice. And if you really had problems you wouldn't say when asked about your so obviously grazed knuckles ‘…oh…I fell’ cue the delicate, deliberate hiding of the hand and the eyes flicker to the top left.
Did it ever occur to you that anyone with real problems, probably never actually cut?
Never fucking advertised it like a huge banner waving over their heads, pity me I’m a cutter. Probably because they are too busy DEALING with the problems, then sitting around feeling sorry for themselves and the problems that they don’t actually have.
Did it not? No?
One day I hope you make a mistake and cut too deep, because only then will you realise that its not worth it and it never was, and I will laugh at you, because by the time your slow little mind have come to that oh so simple conclusion, and it will be too late.
Maybe if the ambulance gets to your pitiable corpse I will pay the driver to crash, or to forget how to read oxygen and feed you carbon monoxide through a tube.
Because you want to die don’t you, because you can’t take it, you can’t take the pain of you sheltered, middle class, snug, white upbringing.
I may never go to heaven but I fucking wish you’d go to hell.
i was very angry. i had a reason to be angry.
i am not as anygry now. but my oppinion still stands. though not as rudely.
today my mother came to talk to me about her counseling. again i saw myself reflected in my father (who to my GREAT suprise has now also agreed to go to a counsiler). he really does love her. again it makes me sad.
i think she is hinting at a divorce, the way she was pussy footing around something i KNEW she wanted to say, in the way you, just know. she talked about how people changed and how society wouldnt allow it and how father was smothering her with love.
which i think is unfair, because he does love her.
finding it hard to sleep again. i actualy fell asleep in tutorial and everyine left without me!!! they fucking left me! so the teacher of the next lesson came in and was like, 'are you okay' and i was like 'WHAT THE FUCK WERE DID EVERYINE GO!!!' and then i spent the rest of the morning in a half waking state. everything felt so soft, even the ground i was walking on and the cold wind.
our class is going to do a spoof of Peter Pan for our school asembely, its our last year why not? its going to be great.
i'll disclose more details later, and as they come along. but at the moment, Peter is gay, and in love with Tiger Billy! (thankyou Helena for that genius) and to 'fly' to neverland they use cocaine, or 'pixie dust' therefore making TinkerBell, a drug dealer. Captin Hook is going to be a gangster, who thinks he is black and there is a secret pirate hand shake. he also has a phobia of cats, and as his entire crew are female that presents quiet a problem (i thought that was highly witty and funny, and still do, work it out yourselves :P) there are a few more small things but i can not be asked to reveal ALL just yet...
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Ça Valait la Peine
Je n'osais pas te le dire
Encore moins te l'écrire
J'attendais le moment
Opportun, important
Je ne savais pas comment faire
Oh ! Mon Dieu quel enfer
Et par où commencer
C'est la timidité
Je ne savais rien de la vie
Ni de la dernière pluie
Près d'un petit ruisseau
De la vie en duo
Oui mais j'ai du me résoudre
A faire parler la poudre
A passer le turbo
Un soir au bord de l'eau
Ça valait la peine
C'est sûr
Ça en valait la peine
Ça valait la peine
C'est sûr
I did not dare to say it to you
Even less write it to you
I waited for the instant
Opportune, important
I did not know how to make
Oh! My God which Hell
And by where to begin
It is bashfulness
I knew nothing of life
Nor of the last rain
Near a small stream
Of life in duo
Yes but I have of be resolved
To make speak the powder
To cross the turbo
An evening by the waterside
This was worth trouble
It is sure
This was worth trouble
This was worth trouble
It is sure
(a really rough translation, i love the lyrics so much though)
Encore moins te l'écrire
J'attendais le moment
Opportun, important
Je ne savais pas comment faire
Oh ! Mon Dieu quel enfer
Et par où commencer
C'est la timidité
Je ne savais rien de la vie
Ni de la dernière pluie
Près d'un petit ruisseau
De la vie en duo
Oui mais j'ai du me résoudre
A faire parler la poudre
A passer le turbo
Un soir au bord de l'eau
Ça valait la peine
C'est sûr
Ça en valait la peine
Ça valait la peine
C'est sûr
I did not dare to say it to you
Even less write it to you
I waited for the instant
Opportune, important
I did not know how to make
Oh! My God which Hell
And by where to begin
It is bashfulness
I knew nothing of life
Nor of the last rain
Near a small stream
Of life in duo
Yes but I have of be resolved
To make speak the powder
To cross the turbo
An evening by the waterside
This was worth trouble
It is sure
This was worth trouble
This was worth trouble
It is sure
(a really rough translation, i love the lyrics so much though)
Monday, January 29, 2007
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
'We are all wired into a survivaltrip now.
No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously...
All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create...
a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody...
or at least some force -- is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
There was only one road back to L.A.US Interstate 15, just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker and Barstow and Berdoo, then on to the Hollywood Freeway straight into frantic oblivion: safety, obscurity, just another freak in the Freak Kingdom.'
Duke.
fucking amazing film, it consisted of Jonny Depp getting higher and higer as the film whent on. on every consivable drug known to mankind, one long abuse of drugs. and a continuous narative in his retrospective. It is brilliant and he is fucking amazing in it!
i can not stress how amazing this film is.
i had to stop it half way through as i had a text message, and i felt high from watching it, it totaly detatches you from life, you come out of it in a daze thinking... 'woah am i still alive, i thought i was in the film' and i did, i was there getting off my face on some liquid you breath in (he soaked a miniture american flag in it and was inhaling it all night) LSD and what ever else they took, the names just quailed into a drug fuled frenzy of acid paranioa, intense depression, violence, halucinations and many more.
really recomend you watch it!
and oh
dear
lord!
Jonny Depp is fantastic!!!!
that is all.
No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously...
All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create...
a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody...
or at least some force -- is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
There was only one road back to L.A.US Interstate 15, just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker and Barstow and Berdoo, then on to the Hollywood Freeway straight into frantic oblivion: safety, obscurity, just another freak in the Freak Kingdom.'
Duke.
fucking amazing film, it consisted of Jonny Depp getting higher and higer as the film whent on. on every consivable drug known to mankind, one long abuse of drugs. and a continuous narative in his retrospective. It is brilliant and he is fucking amazing in it!
i can not stress how amazing this film is.
i had to stop it half way through as i had a text message, and i felt high from watching it, it totaly detatches you from life, you come out of it in a daze thinking... 'woah am i still alive, i thought i was in the film' and i did, i was there getting off my face on some liquid you breath in (he soaked a miniture american flag in it and was inhaling it all night) LSD and what ever else they took, the names just quailed into a drug fuled frenzy of acid paranioa, intense depression, violence, halucinations and many more.
really recomend you watch it!
and oh
dear
lord!
Jonny Depp is fantastic!!!!
that is all.
Bolognese and Delirium at Allpoetry
i am cooking tonight ^^ i really like cooking.
we were in the car on the way home and i asked my mum what was for tea and she said she didnt know. so i asked her if we could have bolognese, and she said she didnt have the meat, so i told her that if she bought me the meat i was willing to cook for her. so she did, and i am.
its really easy and i managed to do it without aaaaany help yey!
it smells nice we are having it with rice, i hope we damm have enough pamazan (no idea how to spell that one)
really looking forward to taster day tomorrow, but i must remember to get an aplication form off the schools website i can imagine myself, just forgetting to apply to the sixthform and being like 'shit, i dont have anywere to go' oh well.
<3Tartan shoes<3
again a note to say that Mrs Cundy is amazing and should be ruler of the world mutualy alongside Mr Hathaway and Miss Fairhurst.
i wish i had something more interesting to say but i am in a contented mood not happy nither sad, i am about to have tea (which i cooked) and i plan to watch 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' a film with Jonny Depp in, and aparantly he is amazing, when is he not?
something that i have always wondered about, girls always say things like 'wow jonny depp is amazing, a brilliant actor and really really hot!!!' but i must say i have only ever heard one guy say that an actor is hot, and never comment at all on their acting skills? and is it okay to talk about other really hot guys infront of your boyfriend? because i dont know, i dont think id get that put out if he started going on about, Avril Lavine (sorry Jon) or, Kira Knightly infront of me? just something that i muse over every now and again...
i think guys should be able to admit that other guys are hot.
it shows maturity :P
*sigh* dads away in London yey, though i feel slightly guilty for being happy in that fact. Hannah is being the bitch that she was bred to be and i still dispise her filthy little guts. havent even said hi to Will today which is sad.
attempted a conversation with Farrel, it consisted of, hi hi how are you? fine thanks you? great, cooking ^^... he never replied, perhapes he dislikes the idea of food? perhapes he was killed at his computer screen who knows!!!
still in love with Coralie Clement.
mum loved my bolognese, though i am not entierly sure if she was just making it up to please me. i really liked it and am now, full ^^
off to watch the film, Jonny Depp here i come!
we were in the car on the way home and i asked my mum what was for tea and she said she didnt know. so i asked her if we could have bolognese, and she said she didnt have the meat, so i told her that if she bought me the meat i was willing to cook for her. so she did, and i am.
its really easy and i managed to do it without aaaaany help yey!
it smells nice we are having it with rice, i hope we damm have enough pamazan (no idea how to spell that one)
really looking forward to taster day tomorrow, but i must remember to get an aplication form off the schools website i can imagine myself, just forgetting to apply to the sixthform and being like 'shit, i dont have anywere to go' oh well.
<3Tartan shoes<3
again a note to say that Mrs Cundy is amazing and should be ruler of the world mutualy alongside Mr Hathaway and Miss Fairhurst.
i wish i had something more interesting to say but i am in a contented mood not happy nither sad, i am about to have tea (which i cooked) and i plan to watch 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' a film with Jonny Depp in, and aparantly he is amazing, when is he not?
something that i have always wondered about, girls always say things like 'wow jonny depp is amazing, a brilliant actor and really really hot!!!' but i must say i have only ever heard one guy say that an actor is hot, and never comment at all on their acting skills? and is it okay to talk about other really hot guys infront of your boyfriend? because i dont know, i dont think id get that put out if he started going on about, Avril Lavine (sorry Jon) or, Kira Knightly infront of me? just something that i muse over every now and again...
i think guys should be able to admit that other guys are hot.
it shows maturity :P
*sigh* dads away in London yey, though i feel slightly guilty for being happy in that fact. Hannah is being the bitch that she was bred to be and i still dispise her filthy little guts. havent even said hi to Will today which is sad.
attempted a conversation with Farrel, it consisted of, hi hi how are you? fine thanks you? great, cooking ^^... he never replied, perhapes he dislikes the idea of food? perhapes he was killed at his computer screen who knows!!!
still in love with Coralie Clement.
mum loved my bolognese, though i am not entierly sure if she was just making it up to please me. i really liked it and am now, full ^^
off to watch the film, Jonny Depp here i come!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I should warn you, I go to sleep.
i love that song, its so so beautiful and the piano introduction is fantastic.
Hanniebannaiemcnananie and myself are frequantly playing it in DT, on our air piano, drumkit and microphone it is so fun! Miss Powell gives us some very strange looks as we are pounding on the desks and singing into the air, but meh beats work, and we are so good at it :P
my father is being a bit of a wanker really, one minute he is happya nd making jokes about killing me and stuff, looking at my art and laughing at the can with legs video. the next he is yelling at me for not doing the washing up fast enough. it pisses me off how fast he can switch. i mean, i need some stability jesus! and my little sister was being her little barbie bitch self again this evening i which she would die!
because i can honestly say i hate her, she is the kind of child that makes me swear never to have kids. spoilt piece of shit.
on the up side made a CD of really nice songs including some amazing french ones that Eccy sent me (i got so annoyed when both my mother and father started saying how shit they were and what bad music i listen to, i thought my mother would like it? obviously not, i am again having kixed feelings towards her) and some Russian opera which is equaly as amazing and trippy.
he he and of corse <3Wheatus <3
tired off to bed soon, and my page still looks amazing :P
my hair feels nice, washed it today, tartan shoes still as wonderful as ever ^-^
Hanniebannaiemcnananie and myself are frequantly playing it in DT, on our air piano, drumkit and microphone it is so fun! Miss Powell gives us some very strange looks as we are pounding on the desks and singing into the air, but meh beats work, and we are so good at it :P
my father is being a bit of a wanker really, one minute he is happya nd making jokes about killing me and stuff, looking at my art and laughing at the can with legs video. the next he is yelling at me for not doing the washing up fast enough. it pisses me off how fast he can switch. i mean, i need some stability jesus! and my little sister was being her little barbie bitch self again this evening i which she would die!
because i can honestly say i hate her, she is the kind of child that makes me swear never to have kids. spoilt piece of shit.
on the up side made a CD of really nice songs including some amazing french ones that Eccy sent me (i got so annoyed when both my mother and father started saying how shit they were and what bad music i listen to, i thought my mother would like it? obviously not, i am again having kixed feelings towards her) and some Russian opera which is equaly as amazing and trippy.
he he and of corse <3Wheatus <3
tired off to bed soon, and my page still looks amazing :P
my hair feels nice, washed it today, tartan shoes still as wonderful as ever ^-^
New post!
this new blogger is very good!
i was very pissed off that it was forcing me to change, but its a very good change i assure you. and doesnt it look so much more pretty?
and i can have my favourite colour scheme! black and red. it took me quiet a while to work out what the fuck to do whith it but i stuck at it and woosh.
id like to have made this a long post, but i really dont have anything to say.
i apologise, i want to get a picture of each of you onto the side bar actualy.
i was very pissed off that it was forcing me to change, but its a very good change i assure you. and doesnt it look so much more pretty?
and i can have my favourite colour scheme! black and red. it took me quiet a while to work out what the fuck to do whith it but i stuck at it and woosh.
id like to have made this a long post, but i really dont have anything to say.
i apologise, i want to get a picture of each of you onto the side bar actualy.
And Then There Where Two.
work in progress.
i am going to get htis on a shirt once it's done i think.
the Ben Folds Brigaders
morning after.
i am atempting to upload a picuter? it may not be working i dont know...
yesturday was wierd.
highly wierd.
i dont think i can use this blogger propourly anymore, because i cant say what i want to anymore.
i was sat downstairs editing the benfolds brigade and talking to people over msn, sending out happy smiles and writing in exited capitals, and i had tears streaming down my face.
i couldnt stop.
then my makeup ran everywere and my dad saw and he was all nice to me and my brother was really sweet about it giving me loads of hugs and rubbing off the running maskara off my cheeks. and then we sat down and watched 'Princess Mononoke' amazing film, very very trippy, and so totaly studio gibly! you can just tell with these things!
after that i felt alittle better.
i am listening to Regina Spektor's Samson on repeat. i cant express how much i adore this song.
yesturday was wierd.
highly wierd.
i dont think i can use this blogger propourly anymore, because i cant say what i want to anymore.
i was sat downstairs editing the benfolds brigade and talking to people over msn, sending out happy smiles and writing in exited capitals, and i had tears streaming down my face.
i couldnt stop.
then my makeup ran everywere and my dad saw and he was all nice to me and my brother was really sweet about it giving me loads of hugs and rubbing off the running maskara off my cheeks. and then we sat down and watched 'Princess Mononoke' amazing film, very very trippy, and so totaly studio gibly! you can just tell with these things!
after that i felt alittle better.
i am listening to Regina Spektor's Samson on repeat. i cant express how much i adore this song.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Ocean Gypsy 2
i am so fucking proud of this you can not imagine!
blogger is being increadibly slow today >.< *glares*
Junya Kimoto
annoyed as i wrote all about Junya and then the internet ate it!
Junya is an eighteen year old student, last year of school (yey).
he has a girlfriend (who i doubt will ever be drawn) who he loves, who he knows he loves. more than anything, and he knows its not just teenaged infatuation he loves her.
she likes him, but as only a teenager can like another of the opposite sex.
he understands this and it worries him but there is nothing he can do about it, because he loves her. its kinda sad, i enjoy writing about their relationship and the way they interact. it reminds me sadly of my parents. i know my father loves my mother, he really does, but my mother is just so standoffish with him its painfull to watch. it makes me sad.
such a long abscense.
as always the world has not changed a jot, i am bumbeling along in my very own way being lazy and getting away with it.
but i have a few pictures i coloured on my graphics tablete which i am proud of. and will show to you. wether you like it not.
nya!
but i have a few pictures i coloured on my graphics tablete which i am proud of. and will show to you. wether you like it not.
nya!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
sigh
hmmm, tonight Todd asked me out again. again!
he is on attempt number... four?
i felt so bad turning him down i do feel sorry for him you know, and i feel so bad that he will never know how badly he screwed with my mind, he was my first, and second, and third..... and fourth.
also, i finnished Junya Kimoto he is wonderful and so so obviously gay!
i am very proud he will be making an apearance soon enough ^-^
other news. Ryan popped up again, inquiering into who was my achiles heal. again with the asking about my pm, thats such an obvious excuse to talk to someone!
anyway so we chatted and i mocked him and he didnt pick up on it, he also apologised for being a prick for the last couple of months, on account of two more of his friends have died i advised him to stop making friends with terminals...well no i thought it though :P. then when i had to go he actualy said:
goodnight sugar plum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
SUGAR PLUM! SUGAR PLUM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha...
yeah you get the message.
sugar plum fuck the what!
Mel (plus one point)|||
Ryan (MINUS ONE POINT!)|
he he, sooner or later i shall become a pretty peach! *shudder*
sugar plum... honestly.
what... is... he... thinking!
anyway just thought i'd rant for abit because again agaisnt my will my heart is going humingbird on my ass.
having second thoughts about Connor, yes he is sweet, yes i do like him, yes in that way. but im not sure if i want to go out with him, im not sure if i want to go out with anybody! and i mean i think i have worked myself into a position where i cant actualy say no... because i have played along with his little game, said i loved him too and all that shit. so what do i do. i am also quiet interested in seeing how good a kisser he is? is that such a bad thing?
i dont want to say no, but i honestly dont see this relationship going anywere?
would it be wrong to dump him after a week? i could make up an excuse?
oh well not important.
1984 is an amazing book, sorry, just saw it on my desk i look forward to reading more tonight.
today miss Manning asked me if i was developing an obsession with my elfwood account and was it interfearing with my work?
that really upset me... i dont know why but it made me just want to cry.
also miss Powell asked me why i hadnt gotten my own DT folder yet and i confessed that it was because i had not a penny to spare on the purchase of one, so she gave the 'oh dear a financle problem child' look to miss manning and said that she was sure she could find a second hand one for me if i wanted. that also made me feel like shit. because yes i dont have the money and yes i wont ask mum for the money ither, but i dont need them to think that about me, because it changes peoples perspective on you you doesnt it.
its nolongedr melissa the happy go lucky (charming handsome tear away :P)
its melissa who, ssshhhh cant afford a £4 DT folder. i have to go now as movment has begun downstairs sygnaling the rise of the parents to bed.
so this is a goodnight. to alll the sugar plums of the world.
kishes :P
he is on attempt number... four?
i felt so bad turning him down i do feel sorry for him you know, and i feel so bad that he will never know how badly he screwed with my mind, he was my first, and second, and third..... and fourth.
also, i finnished Junya Kimoto he is wonderful and so so obviously gay!
i am very proud he will be making an apearance soon enough ^-^
other news. Ryan popped up again, inquiering into who was my achiles heal. again with the asking about my pm, thats such an obvious excuse to talk to someone!
anyway so we chatted and i mocked him and he didnt pick up on it, he also apologised for being a prick for the last couple of months, on account of two more of his friends have died i advised him to stop making friends with terminals...well no i thought it though :P. then when i had to go he actualy said:
goodnight sugar plum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
SUGAR PLUM! SUGAR PLUM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha...
yeah you get the message.
sugar plum fuck the what!
Mel (plus one point)|||
Ryan (MINUS ONE POINT!)|
he he, sooner or later i shall become a pretty peach! *shudder*
sugar plum... honestly.
what... is... he... thinking!
anyway just thought i'd rant for abit because again agaisnt my will my heart is going humingbird on my ass.
having second thoughts about Connor, yes he is sweet, yes i do like him, yes in that way. but im not sure if i want to go out with him, im not sure if i want to go out with anybody! and i mean i think i have worked myself into a position where i cant actualy say no... because i have played along with his little game, said i loved him too and all that shit. so what do i do. i am also quiet interested in seeing how good a kisser he is? is that such a bad thing?
i dont want to say no, but i honestly dont see this relationship going anywere?
would it be wrong to dump him after a week? i could make up an excuse?
oh well not important.
1984 is an amazing book, sorry, just saw it on my desk i look forward to reading more tonight.
today miss Manning asked me if i was developing an obsession with my elfwood account and was it interfearing with my work?
that really upset me... i dont know why but it made me just want to cry.
also miss Powell asked me why i hadnt gotten my own DT folder yet and i confessed that it was because i had not a penny to spare on the purchase of one, so she gave the 'oh dear a financle problem child' look to miss manning and said that she was sure she could find a second hand one for me if i wanted. that also made me feel like shit. because yes i dont have the money and yes i wont ask mum for the money ither, but i dont need them to think that about me, because it changes peoples perspective on you you doesnt it.
its nolongedr melissa the happy go lucky (charming handsome tear away :P)
its melissa who, ssshhhh cant afford a £4 DT folder. i have to go now as movment has begun downstairs sygnaling the rise of the parents to bed.
so this is a goodnight. to alll the sugar plums of the world.
kishes :P
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Love.
I love you.
I
love
you.
Iloveyou.
I love
you love
he/she loves
we love
they love.
what the hell does it mean?
Love:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
7.
a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity Charity.
10. Sports A zero score in tennis.
today, i said i love you, many times.
to Lee (secretly in the morning :P kukuku)
to polly
to Tahmina
to Jess Roberts
to Lucy sargent
to Jesus
to Scott
to Kirsten
to Hannah
and some more.
do not by any means, get me wrong i like very much most of these people, but i do not love them!
i didnt tell Jess i loved her, i didnt tell Michelle i loved her, or Livvie or my brother, and really those are the poeple who i really honestly do truly love.
ironic.
(im not counting the rest of my family as i love them unconditionaly, and if love is only real when its a 'volentary' action, i dont think it counts.)
the image above is the first image that you get when typing love into google, its a C-list celebrity, how fitting. it reminds me of POT, when celebrities become gods in the minds of the people. i really liked that idea.
it pisses me off that people use the word 'i love you so loosely', its stupid and it nolonger means what its supposed to.
i did have a huge rant planned but, its too late and ive forgotten it.
i only really love around four people, and thats enough.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Happy Days.
its been a cool day i suppose.
ive been thinking an uncomonly amount about Connor which is scary.
saw Lee on the way to school again woot *dances* he will be mine! well no i know he wont be but he he a little unhealthy obsession is good for you everynow and again... not.
bought the Smiths 'Meat is Murder' today at Fopp and listening to it now. started my letter to Smog too.
you know it is so cool! for the last few months every monday i have been going to Wortikas to read untill 5 or 6 after P.E and everyday there is the same man sat on the opposite sofa to me, when we first sat together i sneezed and he said bless you and when i whent i said good bye and since that day we have acknowledged each otheres existance with a hello, nice to see you again. and today (first monday back in wortikas after the holiday) without fail he is there reading, i sit down and he says hello, i smile and then he says, 'oh were you here the monday before christmas?' and i say 'no sorry i only come here after school because we have P.E in town' and he goes 'well thats a shame because i had a christmas card for you' i was so shocked, and also really pleased he is lovely about 30? 35? and we just sit and read on opposite sofas. anyway so that made me feel really happy! and then i got out V for Vendetta, to be honest i find myself prefuring the film, its subtilties (sorry you must excuse me i am writing thankyou letters to my relatives) (right done now were was i?) yes, its subtilties are alot better though i liked the fact that (in the comic) Evey is a prostetute and thats how she is caught by the fingermen at the begining. the structure of the comic is also completely diferent to the film, V blows up parliment first then captures the speaking guy (with the TV's in his shower) but jess will be glad to know that the little girl is still in there, but i am yet to find out if she dies or not, i suspect so. V also has an amazing converstaion with Lady Justice, the statue, how he used to love her but now she has been sleeping with another so he has found another lady. and he does it in the true elequence that is V. the art is borderline annoying. its not bad, just hmmmm. i cant say.
also another thing that amused me today i had a rather interesting conversation:
When My Heart Beat Slows And Life Leaves My Eyes, Don't Raise My Hopes... Just Let Me Die... says:
cable?
Cable says:
your powers of observation never ceas to astound me ryan
Cable says:
yes cable
When My Heart Beat Slows And Life Leaves My Eyes, Don't Raise My Hopes... Just Let Me Die... says:
can i ask why? lol
Cable says:
well, i think you just did.
but yes you may.
When My Heart Beat Slows And Life Leaves My Eyes, Don't Raise My Hopes... Just Let Me Die... says:
nah can't be bothered now... lol
Cable says:
suit yourself, it never stopped you before
he he he had nothing to say to me after that!
ryan: ||
Mel: ||
we are at a draw, not that i am sad enough that i keep count....bastard.
but, i am ashamed to say that my heart was almost breaking out of my chest when he said hello, and some how i knew he would, he makes my blood boil. but hmm, thats what i always used to say when i wanted an excuse to talk to Todd or himself, after we'd fallen out.... hate hate hate!
ive been thinking an uncomonly amount about Connor which is scary.
saw Lee on the way to school again woot *dances* he will be mine! well no i know he wont be but he he a little unhealthy obsession is good for you everynow and again... not.
bought the Smiths 'Meat is Murder' today at Fopp and listening to it now. started my letter to Smog too.
you know it is so cool! for the last few months every monday i have been going to Wortikas to read untill 5 or 6 after P.E and everyday there is the same man sat on the opposite sofa to me, when we first sat together i sneezed and he said bless you and when i whent i said good bye and since that day we have acknowledged each otheres existance with a hello, nice to see you again. and today (first monday back in wortikas after the holiday) without fail he is there reading, i sit down and he says hello, i smile and then he says, 'oh were you here the monday before christmas?' and i say 'no sorry i only come here after school because we have P.E in town' and he goes 'well thats a shame because i had a christmas card for you' i was so shocked, and also really pleased he is lovely about 30? 35? and we just sit and read on opposite sofas. anyway so that made me feel really happy! and then i got out V for Vendetta, to be honest i find myself prefuring the film, its subtilties (sorry you must excuse me i am writing thankyou letters to my relatives) (right done now were was i?) yes, its subtilties are alot better though i liked the fact that (in the comic) Evey is a prostetute and thats how she is caught by the fingermen at the begining. the structure of the comic is also completely diferent to the film, V blows up parliment first then captures the speaking guy (with the TV's in his shower) but jess will be glad to know that the little girl is still in there, but i am yet to find out if she dies or not, i suspect so. V also has an amazing converstaion with Lady Justice, the statue, how he used to love her but now she has been sleeping with another so he has found another lady. and he does it in the true elequence that is V. the art is borderline annoying. its not bad, just hmmmm. i cant say.
also another thing that amused me today i had a rather interesting conversation:
When My Heart Beat Slows And Life Leaves My Eyes, Don't Raise My Hopes... Just Let Me Die... says:
cable?
Cable says:
your powers of observation never ceas to astound me ryan
Cable says:
yes cable
When My Heart Beat Slows And Life Leaves My Eyes, Don't Raise My Hopes... Just Let Me Die... says:
can i ask why? lol
Cable says:
well, i think you just did.
but yes you may.
When My Heart Beat Slows And Life Leaves My Eyes, Don't Raise My Hopes... Just Let Me Die... says:
nah can't be bothered now... lol
Cable says:
suit yourself, it never stopped you before
he he he had nothing to say to me after that!
ryan: ||
Mel: ||
we are at a draw, not that i am sad enough that i keep count....bastard.
but, i am ashamed to say that my heart was almost breaking out of my chest when he said hello, and some how i knew he would, he makes my blood boil. but hmm, thats what i always used to say when i wanted an excuse to talk to Todd or himself, after we'd fallen out.... hate hate hate!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Obsessing Over Ducks
the time is 4:07 and i know i will suffer for this but i dont really care. my back hurts alot.
so much fun, duck porn, duck flatulance, little duck love stories, duck offspring, druged ducks, drunk ducks, emo ducks, emo ducks in re-hab, ducky footprints, ducks on fire. the list, it goes on.
watched 1-5 of chobits as well and listened to Jamesfish drone on about Joe.
i had the 'education' talk with my parents today as i am underachiving.
my father started it with, now lets just sit down for five minutes, okay just five we will let you go at eight. five to nine. five to nine and the shit ripped thoroughly out of me i was allowed to slink off. it wasnt abusive. just embarasing.
im tirred and my throat hurts so i am keeping this to a minimum.
goodmorning.
I'm away wi' 't Raggle Taggle Gypsy O
so much fun, duck porn, duck flatulance, little duck love stories, duck offspring, druged ducks, drunk ducks, emo ducks, emo ducks in re-hab, ducky footprints, ducks on fire. the list, it goes on.
watched 1-5 of chobits as well and listened to Jamesfish drone on about Joe.
i had the 'education' talk with my parents today as i am underachiving.
my father started it with, now lets just sit down for five minutes, okay just five we will let you go at eight. five to nine. five to nine and the shit ripped thoroughly out of me i was allowed to slink off. it wasnt abusive. just embarasing.
im tirred and my throat hurts so i am keeping this to a minimum.
goodmorning.
I'm away wi' 't Raggle Taggle Gypsy O
Friday, January 05, 2007
The Raggle Taggle Gypsy O
'If I died now i would be happy, because I was thinking of you. you are the most special person in my life. I can still feel your hug now. My hands are always cold when they're not held in yours. I will dream of you. xxx Love you xxx'
oops.
life is good, life IS good.
my graphics tablet is the most amazing thing in this world and i have just completed my first fullblown picture on there, it's of Wesly and i am pretty damm proud. its taken me three days, i want to go back and re-do the Ocean Gypsy now. and talking of gypsies, i only just realised the Raggle Taggle Gypsy is a man! i never knew, well it could be a girl, actualy i quiet like that take, the lady running off with a female gypsy. yes that is it. i have decided.
i had the most amazing time walking home today (well walking to kings) i had just talked to Lime for ages! and i was feeling really good, i had my CD player on with RaggleTaggle playing and the floaty/trance/woosh song came on, it was cold and dark and just so much fun!
i walked really fast, grinning inainly at strangers, one was a guy with a lush trench coat
oh wow, i have just been rushed out of the house in my pyjamas by my father, as there is an owl on the telegraph pole above my house, i love it when he does stuff like that, he gets so worked up about little things like seeing that owl, it was hooting really loudly and the childish glee on my fathers face was lovely. anyway back to trench coats.
yeah he looked at me once or twice from afar (he was walking towards me) and then when we got really close, I HIT HIM WITH A HUGE SMILEY ATTACK!!! i saw him laugh as he walked off behind me, and it felt as if i could never be happier! it was funny because thats what Lime and i were talking about, when music makes you have that little tight ball of utter, pure exitment that just needs to BURST! out of you! be it a laugh a shout a whirl around with your arms spread out, a jump and uhg, i asume that you know what i mean. its sad if you dont.
but yeah oh well, i dont know what to do with myself.
i feel this rush of love for the entire world! i do and it makes me sick >.< because i know this feeling wont last.
i have realised that ive started to write this blog for people to read and not for what i want to say which is kinda sad really.
Mole loves her Worm
Melissa loves her Jessica
Eshy lover her Lime
life is good, life IS good.
oops.
life is good, life IS good.
my graphics tablet is the most amazing thing in this world and i have just completed my first fullblown picture on there, it's of Wesly and i am pretty damm proud. its taken me three days, i want to go back and re-do the Ocean Gypsy now. and talking of gypsies, i only just realised the Raggle Taggle Gypsy is a man! i never knew, well it could be a girl, actualy i quiet like that take, the lady running off with a female gypsy. yes that is it. i have decided.
i had the most amazing time walking home today (well walking to kings) i had just talked to Lime for ages! and i was feeling really good, i had my CD player on with RaggleTaggle playing and the floaty/trance/woosh song came on, it was cold and dark and just so much fun!
i walked really fast, grinning inainly at strangers, one was a guy with a lush trench coat
oh wow, i have just been rushed out of the house in my pyjamas by my father, as there is an owl on the telegraph pole above my house, i love it when he does stuff like that, he gets so worked up about little things like seeing that owl, it was hooting really loudly and the childish glee on my fathers face was lovely. anyway back to trench coats.
yeah he looked at me once or twice from afar (he was walking towards me) and then when we got really close, I HIT HIM WITH A HUGE SMILEY ATTACK!!! i saw him laugh as he walked off behind me, and it felt as if i could never be happier! it was funny because thats what Lime and i were talking about, when music makes you have that little tight ball of utter, pure exitment that just needs to BURST! out of you! be it a laugh a shout a whirl around with your arms spread out, a jump and uhg, i asume that you know what i mean. its sad if you dont.
but yeah oh well, i dont know what to do with myself.
i feel this rush of love for the entire world! i do and it makes me sick >.< because i know this feeling wont last.
i have realised that ive started to write this blog for people to read and not for what i want to say which is kinda sad really.
Mole loves her Worm
Melissa loves her Jessica
Eshy lover her Lime
life is good, life IS good.
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