jesus christ.
okay a recount of the day:
i met up with Cappy-Chan and we were to go and see a film. but before that i was in such a happy mood i dont know why just it was a wonderful day i'd also had an amazing day yesturday and everything seemed great if it had been a disney film little blue bird would have been flying at my sholders as i strode down the dirty gloucester street singing Wheatus to myself loudly enough for passers by to look at me wierdly. then i got on the bus and got off at cheltenham and i decided (because i had an hour to spare) i would walk through the market on my way to Wortikas. it was so beautiful, the kind of intence happiness you can only get when your on your own. just walking through that market with all the colours and sounds cliched as that may be just made me. happy. then a cute stall worker guy gave me a free sample of his curry, it was a new potatoe on a stick and it was hot and yummy and i smiled so hard at him i think i scared him. anyway on my gleeful journey to Wortikas, there were people standing about a huge roll of paper laid out on the ground, an dother people were kneeling down and tracing their feet onto the paper, so in my happy mood i naturally asked what was going on and the really nice lady who was running it told me that you traced your feet and then in the left foot, wrote what the best step of your life so far has been and then in the right foot you had to write what the next big step in your life was going to be. so i found myself a red feltip and drew as the ladt talked to me about my shoes and asked to take some photographs of me in action.
in my left foot i wrote:
the best step i have taken so far was the first step towards my three best friends
and in my right:
the next step i am going to take is the one through the doors of St Martins art colledge.
then off to Wortikas to read.
i read a graphic novel about Kurt Cobains life. i probably would have liked it if it hadn't had been about Nirvana...
because i felt that its so pretentious to assume you know what your writing about when you write about someone elses life. and i mean they couldnt have even asked him for help. considering you know. his current state of health.
then i had the wonderful pleasure of bumping into Tabby and her boyfriend and i took them outside and made them draw their feet too ^^ Tabby is so lovely.
then Cappy-Chan decided to show his great ginger mug ^^
so we walked about holding hands which was nice. jesus! he has such SOFT hands! i mean reall really soft, unbeliveably so! i guess its just a change to Will's huge rough ones. Grant's hands are small and soft, which really reflects who he is i think (well atleast who he is when he is not trying to hit on Jaz) oh and by the by i told Jaz i liked him on friday, because i was in that sort of a mood. he said that knowing that made him smile inside which i think was one of the nicer ways for him to take it.
then off to JJ's and HMV (in which i saw THE MOST AMAZING pair of headphones to have EVER existed!!!!!!1111 and im going to get them as soon as i can, they are big fuck-off ones with skulls on them and the brand name is 'SkullCandy' yey) then to Games workshop (fuck i love it in there, just the, the PURE geekyness of it all!) then to subway huzar! were we sat down waiting for the que to diminish... which it didnt. so we stood in the que for ages. which is when he decided to kiss me. which is strange because i never thought he'd ever have the guts, and in public aswell.
so we ate and then we made the mistake of going to see the film...
oh dear...
i had heard about the film titled 'When Did You Last See Your Father' and though 'oh this looks very good and i have a feeling that it might be quiet similar to how i see my relationship with my father' so off we evian naively go and sit down and kiss some more. his mouth is really small, but he is actually... probably the best kisser out of all of them. which to be honest makes perfect scense. i mean think about it, guys kiss you how they want to be kissed, and girls kiss guys how they want to be kissed. so for the perfect kiss, girls should kiss how they are being kissed and the same with guys. that is why kissing a girl (not that i would have ANY idea what thats like) is so much better, because your kissing and being kissed how you want to be. Grant is BI and extreamly femanin to the point that i am the male in our 'relationship'. so he kisses like a girl.
Grant kissing like a girl = good ^^
ANYWAY sorry you had to read that.
back to the film.
it was beautiful.
too beautiful.
it was just too good.
too acurate.
too close to the skin.
too much like my relationship with my father.
and it just, it just made me realise.
i think, right then in the cinema, sat next to a boy who knows nothing about whats going on 'behind the scenes' as it were and i start to cry.
i think it was the first time it hit home how vunerable he is.
he has started to sit like a child aswell, he curls up on the sofa like one when he is tired and had too much to drink.
you must see the film.
but the ending in which the enevitable happens (i knew it was going to even before i had entered the cinema) and the last voice over of Colin Firth (who i think is a wonderful actor who has quiet a beautiful voice) i am sat there. tears streaming down my face trying, desperatly, desperatly hard not to sob out loud.
grant is crying too, but only the amount that you would expect someone to cry at the film. he looks at me not as if i am mad, but not quiet belivingly, and wipes away the tears on my cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater and i have to pretend that thats made it all better.
we laugh.
i say i have to go to the toilet and fix my makeup (which by the way is leaking slowly but surely down from bloodshot eyes) and enter a cubicle and break down into silent hysterics for a few minutes.
it was probably a mix between the fact that i was so happy earlier, the fact that id just drunk half a can of relentless, the fact that i was really enjoying Grant's company, and the fact that it really was an outstanding film that made me cry so hard.
so i stayed in the toilets for as long as i thought i could get away with, got rid of the black flaking off my face and met up with Cappy-Chan to leave for the beers to say hello to everyone.
i felt exhausted, shaky and weak.
it wasnt very nice.
anyway so we go to the beers and Michelle comes to greet me ^^
which i knew would happen and i also knew that it was liable to make me start crying again. which i did, but only for the duration of time in which my head was hidden against her sholder.
then we sat sort of sat down with everyone for abit and laughed abit. but i felt awkward and didnt really know what to do. i got the feeling that the group didnt nececarily not like Grant, i think they didnt like the fact that he was not part of the group. so i left with my 'flavour of the month' which made me laugh, its almost a twisted compliment. the jealousy. and i appologise Michelle for my comment :P it was just too easy.
then too Montpellier and to hargen dass icecream and to buying a singl teaspoon because Grant has a problem with eating with his fingers. i personaly love to eat with my fingers. as much as i love to drink wine of of mugs. its the same thing really, a calculated careless disregard for surendering to social standards.
we then returned to the group and had some fun...
i kid myself into thinking that it was less awkward.
i have the feeling that Kit was only being such a sulky ass because grant was there, if that is the case then i am really quiet disapointed in him. but to be totaly honest, not entirely suprised.
oh well.
just one thing that pissed me off, Grant tryed to kiss me infront of everyone else. i woulndt even do that if he were part of the group! you just dont do that sort of thing. he however didnt seem to get that and was rather hurt. which annoyed me.
then more of the same Twister was AMAZING fun! oh dear, Andy makes me laugh so much! i love him to bits.
then off home.
to babysit.
hura.
and now i am sat here, and that was my day.
The two characters from Fluttering love, i adore this picture.
