Mature.

im not sure what to say its been quiet a while, well no it hasnt been a while but alot has happened, and if i had had the computer handy i would have blogged them but now as there have been so many, i cant be bothered. cornwall is great if you ignore the fact that my family is here. mum and dad were arguing again this morning. whilst i was swimming i remembered the time in year 8 or 9 when i broke down in some lesson (i cant remember which one) and jess took me to the toilets and i told her it was because my parents had been arguing and jess said that if it got any worse that we should talk to someone about it. ha, it got worse... no okay thats not really what i wanted to say, i just find it funny that i used to get worried about a small tiff two years back, and now i just deal with that. i guess thats maturity.
i have lots of things to say about canada and about cornwall and about missing jess michelle and will and feeling left out from the big group and about birthdays and about other things but i really really cant be bothered, im quiet tired.
i had the wierdest dream ever well no not ever but it was pretty damm disturbing. however all i can remember of it now (it being quiet a few days back) was that i was walking along with Jaz and i realised that i loved him, and not Will and that i should be going out with Jaz. and i cant seem to shake it off! and now i dont know wether this feeling is just echoes of the dream, or wether the dream just made me realise. the thing is i dont like will any less for all of this, i just like jaz about the same. its really confusing, because i DO like will more but only because i have been with him longer...
oh well what can you do.
perhapes its just the fact that hes going out with Sofa?
also have started pokemon blue haha my charmelion pwns! however i am only catching the pokemon i want to catch, i cant be bothered to cath 'em all. i caught an Abra though, yey! my dad cant understand why im getting back into a game i used to play years ago. oh well.
as i said i have more to say but my lazyness outweights my wish to bore you with more information. so.
i guess maybe this is goodbye or sumsing?

peeling like an orange, coming off in small pieces.

i clicked on new post with a reason, and now i have forgotten what i was about to write.
i havent been feeling too well for the last few days i suddenly get hit with waves of sweat and nausia and my arms go really numb and my legs feel the same and my stomach goes all dull. i think its because im so nervous about this trip to canada. sometimes im okay with i, and im so so excited about seeing Liv, but then i get wracked with guilt for the ticket thing and fear that its going to go all wrong and something terrible is going to happen... and of corse there is always the posibility that we have both changed drasticly, i mean i am not nieve enough to belive that it will be exactly the same, but i would like to think its going to be easy to slip back into our old ways. and there is also the fact that i have been looking forward to it for SUCH a long time that now that its finally here its a bit 'get out of my house'.
i have been emailing Craig lots these past few days which i dont know, it makes me feel good. my dose of Will has made the longing subside and hopefully Canadada shall take my mind off him. i strangely miss Jaz too.
i dont feel particularly sociable, however i am talking to Becky W over msn which is nice. i really like her actually. but holy fuck becky mcwirter!!! she got SO annoyed at me for no reason i just challanged her a few times and then it was fucking claws out!!! which really pisses me off, I LIKE TO BANTER OKAY AND IT SEEMS NO ONE AT THE MOMENT GETS THAT! i am not having a go at your integrity i am simply looking for some form of interlectual stimulation!!!
jon lied to me.
which makes me really sad and disapointed in him. this is how the conversation whent:

Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
jonjon ^^
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
ta, hows melissa?
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
okay i think.
hows your birthday been?
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
pretty good, slight downer in the gf has failed to text/call/email
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
its Harry isnt it
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
haven't we had this convo? and you know it isn't
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
you told me you wouldnt lie if i guessed right
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
true
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
i have very good sorces that tell me its harry
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
oh?
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
i just want to know really if you lied or not now, i dont give a shit who it is
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
ok fine yes i lied
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
i thought so

The History Boys.

I didnt think that i was going to like this film, it was recomended by my dad and i had heard some stuff about it. but watching it. oh god. its so good a film i think you my dear Michelle would LOVE. its awkward and clumsy but beautiful at the same time. the dvd cover is wierd, the black white and green minimalist 'look at me i am a cool film' really does not display the film correctly! i wont tell you what its about, well no, its about a group of A-level students trying to get into Oxbridge. but oh. i dont know, im going to buy it.

on another note, no babysitting tonight whcih fucked me off abit because had i known i would have been able to go to Steve's thing which no doubt you are all having great fun at. i am jealous. i am not hiding the fact. i dont like the fact that you guys are with friends whilst im not, but we deal with this dont we. anyway im looking forward to Transformers even though Jaz is not making an apearance. Michelle could you please bring my boots bag as i left it at yours, sorrry. im going to ring you in the morning anyway incase you dont read this.

my back itches. well no my sholder, i have been bitten. my legs are still a mess of purple scabs and redness, but there we go, i wont be doing that again any time soon. i woke up this morning and found that my lips had swollen really badly. which made me laugh, because i guessed (seeing as i hadnt eten anything that would have caused an alergic reaction) it was because i have been over using them.

i best stop being so sexy then ¬_¬

father has wished me to bed. i must say adue.