peeling like an orange, coming off in small pieces.

i clicked on new post with a reason, and now i have forgotten what i was about to write.
i havent been feeling too well for the last few days i suddenly get hit with waves of sweat and nausia and my arms go really numb and my legs feel the same and my stomach goes all dull. i think its because im so nervous about this trip to canada. sometimes im okay with i, and im so so excited about seeing Liv, but then i get wracked with guilt for the ticket thing and fear that its going to go all wrong and something terrible is going to happen... and of corse there is always the posibility that we have both changed drasticly, i mean i am not nieve enough to belive that it will be exactly the same, but i would like to think its going to be easy to slip back into our old ways. and there is also the fact that i have been looking forward to it for SUCH a long time that now that its finally here its a bit 'get out of my house'.
i have been emailing Craig lots these past few days which i dont know, it makes me feel good. my dose of Will has made the longing subside and hopefully Canadada shall take my mind off him. i strangely miss Jaz too.
i dont feel particularly sociable, however i am talking to Becky W over msn which is nice. i really like her actually. but holy fuck becky mcwirter!!! she got SO annoyed at me for no reason i just challanged her a few times and then it was fucking claws out!!! which really pisses me off, I LIKE TO BANTER OKAY AND IT SEEMS NO ONE AT THE MOMENT GETS THAT! i am not having a go at your integrity i am simply looking for some form of interlectual stimulation!!!
jon lied to me.
which makes me really sad and disapointed in him. this is how the conversation whent:

Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
jonjon ^^
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
ta, hows melissa?
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
okay i think.
hows your birthday been?
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
pretty good, slight downer in the gf has failed to text/call/email
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
its Harry isnt it
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
haven't we had this convo? and you know it isn't
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
you told me you wouldnt lie if i guessed right
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
true
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
i have very good sorces that tell me its harry
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
oh?
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
i just want to know really if you lied or not now, i dont give a shit who it is
Gap between thinking and typing = Rational and intelligent person. says:
ok fine yes i lied
Here take this cheese, it is my centeral nervous system. says:
i thought so