Today is the day that begins the rest of your life.

well, not really.
okay couple of things to say.
Going round to William's house tomorrow, finaly may i add, i cant wait ^^ its going to be great.
today i met up with both Michelle and Jess but at different times. im sorry Michelle i was a bitch today of the first water, and i didnt mean the stuff i said, im on my period and you know it always makes me mean >.<><
then i got off the bus and was walking towards town and a bum aprouched me and sort of said escuse me so i stopped and he took me by the arm and said: i know this is in the middle of the street so im staying a safe distance away, you know how people are. now im not going to lye to you, im living rough with my father over there hes 94 and as i said before im not lying but could you please spare us some change. anyway so im like yeah no problem, when suddenly winky guy shows up out of nowere (he was really tall and about 18) yes so he was all like is this man hasseling you? are you okay? and i tryed to tell him it was fine (though secretly sort of happy that he was being all raww at the man for me ^^) and then he saw that the bum (brian) had his hand on my arm he was like no i cant have that and batted it off, then sort of whisked me away saying oh walk with me, no leave him alone he will only spend it on booze. so we walked for abit and he said to me, oh you must have seen me wink on the bus and i was like uh cha, well no i just said yes and he laughed. then he asked me what i was doing and i said meeting a friend of mine and then he replied, you look gorgeous you know that? hahaha i just said thankyou and smiled alot, then i realiseed that we were walking in the wrong direction and i said i had to go. and then he sort of got really close, like uncomfortably so and said, hey i know weve just met, but could i you know, like have your number. >.<>.<

Tatoo Ideas.

I really want a tattoo quiet badly, but im frustrated because i cant seem to design one.

i want to design my own and have it on my wrist.

so tattoo ideas:

A Butterfly (but not a crappy common one, a decent one)

Wings (one on each side of the same wrist, probably anime style or good old fashioned angle wings)
A Heart (maybe just a really plane simple one like just a small red one with a thick black outline, or then again a really complicated celtic knot styled one)

A Card (Seven of Spades)

Delirium's Fish

Delirium's Eye (with a fish in the iris)

Delirium herself

Death's Eye

Or perhapes just a general Sandman one

An Ank
The ScribbleCat logo

A Banksy Design?

those are the ones i have so far, suggestions welcome.

A New DP

A Couple of Days.

i should be revising but instead i am sat here nervously listening for the pur of my father's beemer pulling into the drive so that i may dash upstairs and pretend that i have been revising.
the events of the last few days have been pretty interesting, with the begining of my GCSEs and such. i just want to get them over now, though i am enjoying the freedom that they provide, coming and going from school when i wish to. which is liberating ^^
i think i shall start my entry with the events of Monday.
Michelle and i spent the day together 'revising' at school and so most of the day was spent talking about everything and nothing in starbucks as i attempted to keep my hot chocolate as warm as possible for the longest amount of time by insulating it with my bodily fat >.<
i hate tepid hot chocolate.
outside sat two men (one of them looking very much worse for wear) and he was showing another man a portfolio and a comic, so naturaly michelle and i being the nosey people that we are watched this transaction with some interest untill i spotted Tahmina and Marium through the big windows and ran out to greet them and they came to join us for abit.
then we spotted that the men had gotten up to leave and i was hit by an urge to go and talk to the man and ask to see his comic. after much dithering on 'will i wont i' michelle told me to stop being silly and tahmina michelle and i rushed out and caught the man half way down the walkway and spluttered a nervous and inauditable plea somewhere along the lines of 'we saw you out of the window and wondered if we could have a look at your art'.
so he said that was fine and we went back to starbucks and he got out his sketch books and showed us all of his art, he drew people really small and painstacingly detailed. he showed me a photocopy of two people in from of a VW wagon and i said 'oh my god i want one of those' refuring to the wagon and he gave me the photocopy ^^ and he told us about how he'd been living rough most of his life as noone wanted his work and that he doesnt get paid enough on the building sites to keep a house and that its giving him arthritus so he wont be able to draw anymore and he showed us the designs for his bands album cover (Drug Sniffing Dogs - Guns against Guitars) and invited us to one of his gigs so michelle and i are going to try and go. then (i cant remember how it came up) but he mentioned that he had once lived in a slum with Banksy!!!! i almost died! i said how much i loved his work and he told us about how graffiti was the only way that Banksy could show the world his art as noone wanted to publish it. so i asked how i thought that it was a group of people as in his book he always refures to the creation of his work as we (we did this we did that) and he said that Banksy was talking about everyone, like minded artists like us and himself. so that was amazing, and when we sort of finnished talking he left us saying 'one day we'll change the world'.
best last words ever!
so michelle tahmina and i sort of stumbled back into starbucks (Marium had stayed inside) and were like... wow.
then tahmina left and michelle and i carried on with our 'revising'.
then we decided to have a wander around the cathederal and as we sat in the courtyard (the one which we ate plums in with ned Livvie) and who should walk by but the woman who works in the Cheltenham Fopp! and her partner and they were taking pictures about the cortyard. ive always marveled at her gothicness from afar ^^ and she was wearing the trousers which i fell in love with when i saw her and full of confidence from talking to bum artist Banksy guy i whent over and said hi.
i actualy stared the conversation by saying 'haha sorry, but do you work in fopp?' and she smiled and said yes then i actualy said 'i thought so, i recognise those trousers, you have a nightmare before christmas t-shirt aswell dont you' hahaha i must have sounded so strange. anyway so we chatted for abit, they were taking photos for her partner's DJ album, his alius was Elliot Ashes and he did alot of gothic industrial stuff (which is a genre ive got into recently because of Vampire Freaks) and we talked about Camden and other gothic stuff hehehe and then she took a picture of us all sat on the well and said to drop by Fopp for a chat some times, or come and listen to her partner in his new venue (though ive forgotten where he plays >.<). and they left and we wandered some more untill we were sat on the grass outside and they passed by again and she came over and gave us her mobile and said to stay in contact.
so yeah... haha it was an amazing day! and it made me think you know, there are so many COOL people in this world. (always someone cooler than you :P)
so yes, tuesday yielded english lit and ICT and i have DT on friday which i probably should be more worried about than i am right now.
Wednesday was amazing too, though in a different way.
Will and I had aranged to meet up but he could only come in at 12:15 and i had to come in at 8:30 because i had to get a lift with my mum. so i met up with Jess ^^ and Hannah G at 10:30 so that they could entertain me untill 12.
hahaha, so I met Will at the beers and we sat and waited for Jess and Hannah to come back from Tescos who decided it would be funny to sneak round the back and sit just meters away from us (without us knowing!) and watch, those little perverts >.<>_< which was interupted by a security gaurd that told us that we'd been caught on CCTV and told us to 'move along' oh god i could have DIED of embarrasment!!! half of me wanted to cry and the other half just kept repeating fuckfuckfuck over and over like mental rape. oh well. so then it was my time to go home and i left Will with the rest of the group (which had grown very much in size) and i was really annoyed that i had to leave so quickly. i didnt want to be left out you know :(
ANYWAY.
to finnish this off, i watched another really good film last night, i didnt want to go to sleep, i just couldnt. it was called 'Talk Radio' and i think you Michelle will really like it. its funny its entierly set within a studio for the entire film, well flashbacks and the ending are set outside but that doesnt count >.< anyway yes its a very 'deep' film about society, im not sure what era its set in but there's alot about Neo-Nazis and racism in it. oh no i tell a lie there is one scene in current time that is set outside of the studio.
and as a bonus the actor playing Dr Cox from scrubs is in it, playing the same character but there we go.
yes so... do you feel satisfied that you are now up to date in my afairs?
good.
^^

A Pigs Perals' update.

Everything in that room matched or complimented the red and gold playing through Catherine’s dress. Huge wall hangings decorated the interior in warm Indian colours and wooden beads died red and tarnished ochre and a deep brown draped themselves over high arched doorways. It was a rich room, in sight and aroma. Exotic, thick and exciting. There was Catherine’s slight hint of oranges and then a more chocking sent of lilies, Titania’s favourite flower and vanilla. I had been in his room before; in fact I often frequented it when I desired company of a friendly nature. It is a rare thing to own in this theatre. Titania was reclining on one of the sofas but as soon as Catherine entered she slowly tumbled off and straightened herself to welcome her lover and her baggage. I pride myself on knowing a small bit about each actor in this theatre. But about Titania, I know nothing more than that her raven black hair reaches the crown of her thighs, and that she looks good in leather and knows it. Her body was today wrapped in grey suede, a one-piece suit that showed off much of her torso and clavicle. It was crudely sow together with thick thread up the sides of her legs and under her arms, never quiet meeting showing more flesh in a seductive manor, like a hunting pelt. I could imagine her a hunter. She was a half cast, Casper didn’t like her. He said that he wouldn’t trust her as far as Claudius could throw her, because he, himself would never touch her. Her accent was bitter as dark chocolate as were her lips and I imagined that they tasted as such. I made a note to ask my Catherine, later if my assumptions were true.
‘Welcome home’
she said as she approached us both. I was still lucky enough to have that happy warm feeling running through my insides not to be hurt at the speed in which Catherine dropped me to the floor and embraced Titania. I lay contented on my side where I had been abandoned, and stared at the legs of the sofa. Deep dark mahogany they were, almost black, but too rich to be such a dull colour. Carved into little cherubs holding the weight of the lavish chair on their little fat shoulders, almost bent double with the burden of the chair, their miniature wings crippled. A few feathers had been engraved by their feet, one of the four was crying.
Titania kissed Catherine full on the mouth and hungrily. Suddenly Catherine was a little girl again, outside the school gates, behind the high red brick walls. Holding hands with Titania and then stealing that quick kiss. It was strange for me to watch this transformation which then dissolved as soon as it had appeared, like sugar in hot water. She burst into a fit of giggles then and made an attempt (a half hearted and flawed one, as her lips were cracked into a happy grin, scarlet lipstick slightly smudged and faded were some of it had bled onto Titania’s own lips) at being annoyed at how forward her partner had been.
‘Goodness you, we have company, and proper company at that, for shame! My father warned me against such sluts as you’ Titania did nothing but smile at her and as I did in my drunken state, allowed her to continue in her own monologue.
‘Now we must get our gentleman his fix otherwise he is likely to show our floor his dinner’
Titania again said nothing, it was against her disposition to do so, preferring to keep what thoughts she had to herself, padding towards me as silent and unnerving as a hunter. I wondered if her thoughts were as dark as those lips.
‘Oh my little jester what shall we do with you, I should be like Pilot and wash my hands of you, but then that would be comparing you to our lord and even you, though you dream, are not placed in such a high position within my favours’
I tried to open my mouth and utter a witty reply that would shock even the most cynical into a state of awe.
‘Oh shush yourself Catherine, I am no toddler!’ was dismally all that could muster from between my lips, and at this Catherine whisked me delightedly into her sturdy arms.
‘Hark at him!’
She cried nuzzling her face into mine and for a moment I was blinded by curls of hair and dusty powder.
‘Oh I could just lock you up in the depths of my heart, so when I am feeling down I could call upon you like a cadged bird and you could say such a thing and lift my spirits, oh my little favourite, you will always be my little child.’
I yelled out in indignation at being degraded so and began resisting my captor.
‘I would bite you, and kick you before you imprisoned me in such a way! I have no desire to be steeped and drowned in the chambers of your heart, I would suffocate for lack of air and shrivel up for lack of things to do, but be called upon once in every eternity. For that is how often it seems to me that you become anything short of positively glowing with happiness, or a sprite like mirth at tormenting the likes of me!’
I wriggled now like a spoilt babe in the grip of a doting mother and finally managed to slither away and seat myself in a chair that stood opposite were Titania had resumed her place, on the sofa held up by anguished angles. Catherine laughed elatedly and disappeared into a cascade of clacking beads that shivered and swayed long after she had passed through them. Sounds from the room which I suppose was most like a kitchen than any of the other rooms in this strange apartment soon accompanied her lustful humming.
‘So you have been playing with Claudus then little jester, an adventurous thing to be doing’ Titania mused and tangled her fingers through the rough plat of hair that wound its way down her back thoughtfully. She was the kind of girl Miriam and Claudus sniffed after.
‘Claudus and I are like brothers, we go way back’ I remarked with pride.
‘How old are you again funny man?’ she asked creasing her brow and fixing me with a gaze so intense for such a casual expression, that for a moment I understood why Catherine loved her. When someone asks you how old you are in this theatre, they have no interest in when you were born, or how many years you have walked this earth. Only how many you have been in the theatre.
‘Three’ was my answer, but I’d known that I would die here, the moment I stepped through the doors to the foyer. I loved that entrance, and like an old comfort blanket that I was too old for, I slipped into my memory.

The lobby was dusty, wonderfully dusty. The red carpet and grand luxurious curtains framing doors that lead to a world outside of reality had faded, had been worn with the thousands of hands brushing past, idly feeling the texture of it against their millions of fingers. The doors were set like a painting in gold frames their stained wood rich and dark, smelling slightly of the cinnamon and dreams. The tassels, which I knew had been gold, were now a dusky twilight, sunset yellow and the staircase. I had never seen such a staircase. There was a door to our left and a door to our right and leading up to the centre, double doors on the second floor was a staircase to heaven. Solid creamy marble slabs carved into a story of Greek gods fighting titans wove its way up and up. The mortals on the bottom most step, and Zeus king of all that he surveyed took the second step from the top. The top most step was plain.
Looking back it never occurred to me that I didn’t pay, or show my ticket to any steward. It seemed natural to me that everyone should be inside eagerly awaiting for the play to begin. I just knew that I was going to go up those stairs that I was going to take that step higher than the gods and join the actors.
The door handle was cold and smooth under my touch; it too carved into something it was not, a lion’s head, the guardian of the playhouse.
I was now in the upper circle, I didn’t even remember the door closing behind me.



‘Three’ she exclaimed.
‘Well then you ARE but a babe!’ she laughed, throwing her head back violently and almost shouting her hilarity to the heavens. It was short and sharp, like knives.
‘And for your information little funny baby, the chambers of my lovers heart are were I first learnt to live, and I did not suffocate because it was her breath that was my air, and I did not die from boredom, or lack of things to do. Far from it, but you are to young to know of such things’ she shot me with a contented smile that was like a sturdy arrow with a strong shaft and sure flight feathers. It wasn’t warm, but then she saved all her warmth for only one person.
Catherine came in carrying a tray with three small cups on it carefully watching were she trod to avoid falling. Though she was so sure footed, I had never seen her stumble one step, on or off the stage. Titania rose to take the tray off of her and lay it down just as carefully onto a low table. The tray itself was beautiful as were the cups that adorned it. The rim of the tray curled up into an intricate woven pattern that reminded me of eastern gods. The tray was of course a deep dark mahogany. The cups themselves had no handles, and were a yellowed white, like teeth. The yellow becoming more prominent in the cracks and extenuating the carved detail, showing off the age of the cups, and their history. The surface of the cups had been cut into deeply so that they had not one flat surface, but many fluctuating, rolling, peaking spiking swirls about them, and scattered across these frozen yellowing oceans were tiny flowers painfully engraved by hand. They were beautiful and I longed to have them as much as I understood that they belonged in this room and nowhere else. The liquid inside it was, as much as any liquid could be an imitation of the room it was in and the person who had made it. It was a brown not as dark as the weeping cherubs, but still almost black, and it had a glassy surface, though it was thick as sludge. It’s sent was bitter and sharp and on the whole a dangerous one. Catherine had known to nock people out with her cocoa, though no one ever refused it.
‘Drink up drink up’ Catherine started enthusiastically, but then faltering as she forgot how the rest of the song went.
‘Drink up me harties yo ho?’ Titania offered but Catherine looked puzzled and pulled her heavy eyebrows down.
‘No, no I don’t think it went like that’ but then the expression had been blown away and replaced by an easy smile which she offered to everyone and anyone and with that both she and Titania downed the potent chocolate. I only hesitated a tiny bit before I myself gulped it down. It was more like eating than drinking, I felt it, ice cold slip down my throat leaving a huge taste of raw cocoa husks and orange rind which made my tongue prickle and cheeks sting and made me salivate as it went. It was delicious and it made my eyes water, but it also woke me out of my drunken stupor and for that I could not help but feel a little bit of sorrow for.
‘Oh see how his eyes light up after that’ Catherine giggled
‘Witch! I was quiet content in my own happiness, why would you rob me of it?’ I cried in vain for the warmth in my legs that had all but fled and the rose tint that had crept so easily into my world. At this a black and motherly cloud spread ominously over my Catherin’s brow which made me immediately regret my words.
‘Someone should teach you some manners little one, you are too young to be drinking as Claudius does and I thought that you had the sense to know it too’
‘Catherine’ sighed Titania stroking her arm lovingly
‘He is a boy, I would have thought that you had the sense to know that boys have none of it’ I felt unsure as to whether I should be thanking her, or meeting her clear jibe at me.
‘True, true’ Catherine resigned and the cloud evaporated leaving her looking very old and tired, something which scared me in more ways than I could express, but it was gone as another scarlet smile split her features, and though still unnerved the feeling slipped to the dark shadows of the back of my mind.
‘Away with you, I have neglected my other favourite for too long and I see that the devil of drink is no longer dancing upon your slight shoulders’ with that she stood up briskly, the sent of oranges faintly clinging to my heels as I was rushed out of the door but before it closed I caught a glimpse of red smearing over Titania’s dark lips, and I could still taste the bite of the chocolate in the furthest reaches of my throat.


The hallway was cold again as I had no merriment to warm it for me and the torches burnt low in their sockets like guilty eyes. I wandered aimless and surprised to find that each corridor I turned down yielded nothing but empty air and shadows. Not a soul did I encounter in my undestined journey through the wallpapered catacombs and my footsteps were unaccompanied as they dislodged the dust that had settled on the stained floorboards. You could get so easily lost backstage, as you could get so easily get lost in a story or a play. Tumbling blindly through the intricate workings of the authors mind and dreams. So it did not worry me that I was. Very much alone.
It stayed like this for a while and I was satisfied with the company of my own musings, trailing my hand along the walls feeling the rips and tears in the worn wallpaper. It had been tattered by the thousands of people like me, running their hands along it absentmindedly, catching their rings on it and destroying it slowly so that now it supported a great streak of grime rubbed deep into its fabric at hand level. The floorboards were knarled and uneven, chipped and wonderful. A varnished pine that had been pounded and battered by the feet of the gods and mortals of this play house

Self Portrait in Pyjamas.

MelShroom

ha ha my brother did this highly acurate portrait of yours truly on paint ^^
a wonderful likness you will have to agree.

In Negative.

i dont know i think they look pretty cool.
talked to Will again after not talking to him for AGES and it only enforced how much i missed him, i have a headache and im in a very strange mood.

i have downloaded a LOAD of songs off limewrie today, im not in the mood for talking really.

i miss everyone, and i miss you Liv and my head hurts >.<

A Grand Day Out.

Will in Subway.

Jess and Barbie (because he is worth it).

Jess and I in the cinema waiting for Spidey to begin.

I had such a wonderful day today and when i got into the car to go home i was really really, well depressed you know. I dont think i should really focus on one day for the entire week, because when its over its a terrible feeling. im sure (my devoted readers, that you will agree).
Anyway, it started with getting up and really really not wanting to, i had a really nice dream though what it was about i couldnt tell you. i had spent the night last night watching A Clockwork Orange with my father and it was wonderful, because we sat on the sofa and he had his arm round me and we held hands and it was just so nice you know to be close to him, he said he had great fun and that we should do it more offten, which was you know ^^. and it was so cool, because we watched the news together and had a long conversation about what was going on in the news and he liked all my points and it was just a proper adult conversation, then at half ten i expected him to say 'Right bed' but he didnt he said 'So what are we going to watch' and so i went and got ACO and yes so. then in the morning after dragging my sorry ass out of bed, i tideyed my room (it was a shit tip) and got ready.
i met jess outside of Wortikas at 12:00 and we mooched about in Fopp (fopp fopp the music shop ^^) and got Thorntons toffe, strawberry and cream flavour (which we agreed would ither taste amazing or disgusting... it tasted amazing!). then it was time to pick up William, which we did and he was wearing a top showing his arms, which is a big thing for him haha! then after some disgution we decided to go and see Spider Man 3.
which i thought was great! a really good cheesy superhero film!!!
and we were very well behaved! didnt kiss at all, just held hands, his hands are so big and hot and dry. it felt really nice just to sit there and hold hands for three hours. and his hair is SO ruffelable! i think it might annoy him, but i do it anyway.

then after the film we sort of all stumbled and dazed, walked out of the theater. you know that feeling when you expect it to be dark outside, and it isnt and your very confused for about a second untill yuou think 'oh yeah, hehe its actually day'. i got that ^^

then we all sat on a bench and sort of made idle tired chit chat untill we went to drop Jess off with Barbie. Barbie with the womans pose, and womans hair, who works in a hairdressers... yeas then Will and i ran away to have some time to ourselves for about half an hour, which was not enough!!! >.<

hes really shy about these things, and not forceful at all which frustrates me at some times, but i stood on a step and kissed him when i was his hight and that was great (note to self, buy a portable step or alternativly grow about 6 inches)

then mother texted me and the fun was put to a stop eh heh.

and then we come to the top of the entry and full circul. My hair still smells of him, and my clothes, he smells amazing. ha ha i bet he could give Grant a run for his money ^^;;

i am now watching my cat tear about the garden after a mouse, hes caught it now and is tossing it about, playing with it, then eating it and mewing in its triumph i am not kidding, he is looking at me through the big french windows and mewing 'hahaha! yumo' he looks so feral when he is hunting its a little frightening.

Little Miss Sunshine

oh god i loved this film! your all watching it (i know livvie has already) its amazing ^^