Truly beautiful, without a reason.

oh how i adore the White Stripes right now, i listened to them almost non stop during camping and i am hooked. i just love their lyrics and the face melting bass in one of their songs (the title eludes me).
im not really in the mood for writing i guess. i am so so so devistated about the fact that i missed getting tickets for taming of the shrew, livvie check your emails if this is new to you.
i just feel so empty and guilty.

on another note, i think. i think i may have lost my virginity, my PHYSICAL virginity. not my sexual one.
i never really listened to the teacher during 'sex-ed' but i vaugley remeber there being involved a sort of a little seal over some form of tube somewere up there in the mass of guttage known as the female reproductive system. anyway yes, i remeber there also being something about the fact that when the seal breaks you are nolonger technicaly a virgin physicaly, be it broken by sexual action or not.
yes i think i broke that with Will today, ither that or i tore something...
yes anyway, hmmm.
it was just a small bit of blood.
it doesnt really matter to me though, because we havent actually HAD sex. so its not the same.

I stole this off Livvie, who stole it off Jess.

1. Do you like anyone? Of course I do! Ah he is so wonderful.
2. Do they know it? I should hope they do, otherwise this may turn out to be quiet problematic.
3. Simple or complicated? The relationship? Simple.

IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U
4. Had sex: …. no
5. Bought something: yup, though I don’t really remember when this month started. Kingdome Hearts vol.2 and a HIM purse.
6. Gotten sick?: nope, fit as a fiddle
7. Been hugged?: yes, in fact I had one this morning.
8. Felt stupid?: I can’t think of a time now, but I’m pretty sure I have.
9. Talked to an ex: yes.
10. Missed someone: *sobs*
11. Failed a test/exam: well, I haven’t knowingly failed all my GCSEs but….
12. Ate cereal: funnily enough I haven’t, I don’t eat cereal anymore.
13. Danced crazy: I don’t dance. Other than the time warp, and that isn’t crazy
14. Gotten your hair cut?: hai
15. Lied: everything I say is a lie.

U N I Q U E
16. Nervous habits? laughing
17. Are you double jointed? yup
18. Can you roll your tongue?: yup
19. Can you raise one eyebrow? Soooort of
20. Can you cross your eyes?: yup
21. Do you make your bed daily?: no… I hardly ever make my bed, well no I don’t make it in the morning I make it in the evening before I get back into it.
22. Do you think you are unique?: I’m a conveyor-belt Goth, of course I’m not.

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R
23. Said "I Love you": yes, but I didn’t mean it.
24. Given money to a homeless person?: all the time ^^
25. Smoked?: yes only once and I WAS FORCED!!!
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: yes.
27. Snuck out?: ha I couldn’t even if I wanted to!
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: Kilve.

M A N N E R S
29. Do you swear/curse?: every dam day
30. Do you ever spit?: .never.
31. You cook your own food? Yeeeeey puss burgers!
32. You do your own chores? I do my own stuff for me, but I don’t do anything else
33. You like beef jerky? NO!
34. You like Pepsi or coke? Coke all the way baby!
35. You're happy with your hair? Hahaha, not right now! It’s sort of been slept on funny, that’s the problem with short hair, it doesn’t do what you tell it to, jess Michelle and kit know about that.
36. You own a dog? *reaches for sausage*
37. You spend your money wisely? Hahahahaha!
38. Do you like to swim?: yeah, I used to, then I got fat >.< and then I got not so fat and haven’t been anyway.
39. When you get bored do you call a friend?: no, I draw/read/veg out in front of TV
40. Are you patient?: no, I can quiet honestly say that I’m not.

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R
41. Flowers or angels?: what kind of a question is that!?
42. Gray or black?: ¬_¬ I’m not even answering that one.
43. Colour or black and white photos?: colour is better I think.
44. Lust or love?: same thing. Okay no I lie, but there are so many different types of each that you’d have to be more specific.
45. Sunrise or sunset?: sunset.
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: M&M’s baby!
47. Rap or rock?: ahahahahaha! Rap ¬_¬
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: that is also an amusing question. Staying up late without any question.
49. Being hot or cold?: cold, hot isn’t very nice, cold you can always hug and get warm!
50. Winter or Autumn: winter, but only if it’s decent winter none of this half assed drizzly cold bollocks
51. left or right?: left, it’s just left
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?: I don’t have any friends. Hehe, 2 best friends. 53. sunshine or rain? Both, I like hiding inside when it’s sunny and dancing when it’s raining. Coz I’m lyk so alternative lolz
54. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: chocolate!!!!!
55. Boys or girls?: what, which ones I’m attracted to? Which ones I prefer, which one am I? well the answer to all of those questions would be both.

Second Rate.... yeah okay thats just it.

im buzzing, adrenylin is shoooting through my veins in that oh so farmiliar way, imshaking so much its hard for me to type without pressing two keys at the same time or forgetting to putthe spaces inbetween the letters. and im disgusted at myself. youd think id be over it. why arnt i over it?its not like anything special happened between us? do i have a fixation with unfinnished buisness? am i fooling myself to think that i am old enough and experianced enough to claim that he fucked me over good? because he did.
and all because he added me on bebo, what is WRONG with me!?
jesus christ, why, am i feeling like this?
i want him out of my life forever!

Mr J Shit.

when your an adult, when you grow up, do you just die and carry on walking around? dead not in the sence that your body ceases to function, but dead in the sence that you dont think and you just dont care anymore.

you know what.
i cant be bothered im too tired to be angry any more.

Juda.

i feel totaly betrayed. totaly and utterly.
i bent over backwards and got into loads of trouble with my mum to organise this thing on friday for katie and kit and now they cant even date, or meet up on friday!
its fucking things like this that makes me just not want to bother!
what the fuck, for fucks sake they tear apart a friendship group for what is now nothing.
i dont belive kit when he says its his parents fault i dont belive him one bit.
jesus chirst. and i bumped into katie in town today with tahmina and she looked really guilty like shed been caught out, and it was really awkward talking to both of them. im so scared that she doesnt like me any more for some reason. ive done so much for her, if she stabs me in the back im going to snap and she is going to fucking wish she'd chosen her friends more carfully.
i mean, i tryed to organise her coming over to mine so many times and shes just out with tahmina like that.
fuck them both.

i hate people i fucking hate them! FUCK YOU! im so frustrated, i want to cry.
i wish id moved to a different school.
i want Will back its been two days of two weeks and i just want a hug.

why the fuck does she have to be so fucking stupid around guys!? i hate the person she is with when shes around other people. its not her and its sickeningly fake. it sickens me it does! fucking emo piece of shit.
go and pick flowers not war see if i give a shit.
i'll burn you along with your pointless sloganed t-shirts.

i cant belive you never knoticed.

at times like this, there is really only Leonard Choen.
Four o'clock in the afternoon
and I didn't feel like very much.
I said to myself, "Where are you golden boy,
where is your famous golden touch?"
I thought you knew where
all of the elephants lie down,
I thought you were the crown prince
of all the wheels in Ivory Town.
Just take a look at your body now,
there's nothing much to save
and a bitter voice in the mirror cries,
"Hey, Prince, you need a shave."
Now if you can manage to get
your trembling fingers to behave,
why don't you try unwrapping
a stainless steel razor blade?
That's right, it's come to this,
yes it's come to this,
and wasn't it a long way down,
wasn't it a strange way down?

There's no hot water
and the cold is running thin.
Well, what do you expect from
the kind of places you've been living in?
Don't drink from that cup,
it's all caked and cracked along the rim.
That's not the electric light, my friend,
that is your vision growing dim.
Cover up your face with soap, there,now you're Santa Claus.
And you've got a gift for anyonewho will give you his applause.
I thought you were a racing man,
ah, but you couldn't take the pace.
That's a funeral in the mirror
and it's stopping at your face.
That's right, it's come to this,
yes it's come to this,and wasn't it a long way down,
ah wasn't it a strange way down?

Once there was a path
and a girl with chestnut hair,
and you passed the summer
spicking all of the berries that grew there;
there were times she was a woman,
oh, there were times she was just a child,
and you held her in the shadows
where the raspberries grow wild.
And you climbed the twilight mountains
and you sang about the view,
and everywhere that you wandered
love seemed to go along with you.
That's a hard one to remember,
yes it makes you clench your fist.
And then the veins stand out like highways,
all along your wrist.
And yes it's come to this,
it's come to this,
and wasn't it a long way down,
wasn't it a strange way down?

You can still find a job,
go out and talk to a friend.
On the back of every magazine
there are those coupons you can send.
Why don't you join the Rosicrucians,
they can give you back your hope,
you can find your love with diagrams
on a plain brown envelope.
But you've used up all your coupons
except the one that seemsto be written on your wrist
along with several thousand dreams.
Now Santa Claus comes forward,
that's a razor in his mit;
and he puts on his dark glasses
and he shows you where to hit;
and then the cameras pan,
the stand in stunt man,
dress rehearsal rag,
it's just the dress rehearsal rag,
you know this dress rehearsal rag,
it's just a dress rehearsal rag.

We Don't?

...hahaha sorry i find this amusing.

the comic is written by a man, obviously.

Virgin Suicides... An old man's fart.

Thank god they all died and ended the movie.
Okay that was mean, though not totally uncalled for. I have been looking forward to seeing this film, having been made to believe from various sources that it was really very good. Having now watched it, I have this to say:
I can see why people say that this film is good. It has all the makings of a 'cult classic' type film and the narration IS very good. However Kirsten Dunst was at the weakest I have ever seen her and none of the other girls HAD any character! So it was up to her to add any intrigue into the movie, which they tried to do, again and again, but there are only so many sideways glanced whispers of a smile directed at the boys from a painfully obvious flirtatious Kirsten I can take. It was good how they portrayed her as a sexually frustrated teenager. But even a blind man could tell that she was not 14. She looked older than the 17 year old, I don’t see why she couldn’t have played the eldest sister, at least then that aspect of the film could have been believable. Unless it was based on a book, then the casting director should be fired. (it is based on a book) Going back to the other girls. I couldn’t even tell them apart they just stood around being mouse-like and looking the same. Did I miss something there? it just didn’t happen, the ending was also a disappointment, though a surprise, not a shock. I wish they had gone more into the girls lives, well no, because they did do that, I wish they had gone more into the girls heads and their thoughts. Doing the film from the boys point of view was interesting but not strong enough of an idea to base the whole film on. the movie certainly had moments of magic when I thought, YES that is good, but those moments were few and far between and dampened down by purposely and pretentiously boring moments and confused ']#]#]#]#]#9999999999999 jasper get off! confused failing attempts a witty comedy. at points it made me smile and giggle like a girl watching any run-of-the-mill rom/com but that was not why I was watching it, if I were looking for cheap entertainment in a fairy tale land I would have watched something else, that didn’t parade under the mask of 'sublimely poetic’ or ‘a subtle, humorous, refreshing look at tragedy and the complexities of growing up‘. This film is in my opinion a film for the masses who view themselves to be deep thinkers, who can then discus how they felt the film reflected real life ‘in a raw and eye opening way‘. it does not, it was about as convincing as Kirsten Dunst's pleas for mercy as her mother burnt all of her rock records 'no mummy please, not Aerosmith'.
it tries to be so many things, and fails all of them. but it wasn’t really even a very ambitious film ether. if I could have said well they tried to do this and they tried to do that but failed. I would have given them some merit for attempting SOMETHING. but it was like being tickled with a feather, just brushing the surface of the subject so lightly that its more annoying than laughable.
very much like an old man's fart.

Having said all that it wasnt a BAD movie, just a disapointment.

the cover says it all, i should have known better.

Greyscale Grandad.

i am very proud of these two, the charcole more so as i hate charcole and its WAY too hard of a medium for me to have bothered to use normaly. haha my finger hurst because i was smudging it so hard.

Pen 15.

ahk my mouth tastes like Will and its not the nice taste, the horrible acrid sort of morning breath taste. its not nice but there we go. i spent the day at his and at one point i almost told him that i loved him hahahaha. it was wierd. we sat in his basment on his mongo beanbags and watched American Dad which is really really funny.

okay i dont taste him anymore, but my clothes smell of him and thats so nice. it reminds me of Four Eyed Monsters when he tells her that after they have sex he can smell her all the time, like his body odor is hers and that shes managed to get inside him. i really love that film. none of you watched it did you... shame on you.

anyway, continuing this theme of smell and taste i now taste cherry liquoer or however you spell it, as i had a cherry chocolate and it was rather yummy! i am feeling quiet happy now. Will's going to take me for a picnic on monday to say goodbye for the holidays. he is rather wonderful.

he came up with the word 'Indupitabizzle' yesturday to describe two steriotypes at once it made me laugh alot.

i have to go now, but jamesyfish texted me out of the blue today which made me confused but happy i guess, and Santos has been ringing me.... *worried face* hes a nice guy, but i dont know *sigh* he thinks i go clubbing and shit i dont know why and he keeps saying really wierd shit like 'see you soon' and stuff. i dont know.

too happy.

Mel *heart* Will

Pointless Sentimantality.

I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
no more blonde stripe
The Bird Of Hermes says:
Gsasp!!!!!
I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
i know!
The Bird Of Hermes says:
do you like your haircut
I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
its not cut yet, just dyed
The Bird Of Hermes says:
oh
I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
yup i'll get a pickture
The Bird Of Hermes says:
ok
The Bird Of Hermes says:
so, did you dye it at home, or at a salon thingy
I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
dye at home ---->
The Bird Of Hermes says:
i likey
The Bird Of Hermes says:
but you're getting it cut too
I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
yeah, i look like a 12 year old in that picture>.<
The Bird Of Hermes says:
you do look younger...
I... I grow daffodiles... And they're beautiful. says:
there we go, better black hair
The Bird Of Hermes says:
i like that one too, but it doesn't look like you
The Bird Of Hermes says:
so i like it least

Japan-a-ram.

dads just got back from japan bearing amazing gifts of squeeeingness!
my sister got a paper fan (like the one on the back of Sasuke) and a lachquer wooden jewlery box.
my brother got a set of very expencive chopsticks and a case for them.
my mum got two wooden bowls in a wonderful plain wooden box with characters painted on it but we are yet to work out wether they are ornamental or for use.
myself, well i got pocky and a big assed manga magaseen the size of a phone book, a news paper, a really really nice manga book (the guy on the front cover is soooooo hot >.<) and a caligraphy set with brush and ink as well as some japaneese writing paper and all in japaneese of corse. oh they are all just so wonderful ^^
also, to help with my art project, Nanny Janet took me to hobby craft where i purchased a huge sketch book, some ink, some charcole a big big red marker, a new brush, some double sided sticky tape and a new putty rubber. so now i feel that i can really get started, my list of things has risen to 121 things. i cant wait to draw my Grandad to be honest. the shape of his face and his profile is just really interesting.
i might be meeting up with Will tomorrow i hope, and on tuesday i can FINALY get my purse, its a HIM one with a pink razorblade sewn onto it, he is the god of all emos it has to be said. so when people say MCR are emo it pisses me off, if you want to point out an emo band point out HIM, because he is, he IS emo. MCR are however not.
also on monday i will be able to topup my phone thank god! i swear everyone waits for me to get no credit and then proceeds to text and leave my voice mails which i can not recive >.<
*sigh*
in other news Jasper is as amazing as ever and looks exactly the same as Puss in Shrek.

100 Things To Do With Line.

i am really looking forward to this art project its going to be great. but then half of me thinks its going to be shite and i am just in for a let down. i have mannaged to get my count up to 115 things to do with line, which i am highly proud of.
Prom is two days away which makes me sad, because its been something i can look forward to and something that i have been able to in a word focus on. like dont worrie i can see everyone at prom and such the like. i feel it too is going to be a terrible anti-climax.
katie has a crush on Kit... which makes me allitle bit annoyed i dont know but she is being rather childish about it. and imidiatly Tahmina was encouraging her saying stuff like 'he was staring at you' and things. you just dont do that, he and harriet were still going out. but now that they have broken up i dont know whats going to happen. its strange but i dont think they would be good together. i would be happy if they did get together because it would make katie hhappy for abit. but what happens after that, she got bored of mike so quickly i dont want her to do that to Kit.
induction day told me that it was going to be highly strange going back to a mixed schooling enviroment after spending 4 years out of it. ooh boiz boiz boiz ¬_¬
well, no to be honest i got on quiet well with alot of them. but Ibby, oh Ibby there is a strange one. his character is one of the most rude repulsive arrogant abnoxious ones i have ever come in contact with, but he was in my phychology class (i really must learn how to spell that) and he was really intelegant and forward with his oppinions and observations and this really annoyed me because i found myself liking him. not in that way of corse.
oh i adore Will he is wonderful. but i dont love him i know i dont. and another thing. both you (Livvie and Michelle) say that you have been in love... how do you know! how can you possible know or even say that? and so quickly, am i a lesser being for not falling in love with Will? can i just not love, or were you really in love? i can understand why you love each other. but grant? i dont know. thats not a challange or an insult its just a musing.
im going to buy a sketch book today for my 100 things... i hope i get to keep this one because im going to make it a good one!
sorry if my posting had been rather speradic, but thats what my mind feels like today.
oh haha am now friends with Joe Hacket, Frankie's brother. holy shit he looks so much like her. and he remembers your speach Livvie with the barbies. he was in it and got through because we dropped out, he says to thank you ^^

over and out.