sigh

hmmm, tonight Todd asked me out again. again!
he is on attempt number... four?
i felt so bad turning him down i do feel sorry for him you know, and i feel so bad that he will never know how badly he screwed with my mind, he was my first, and second, and third..... and fourth.
also, i finnished Junya Kimoto he is wonderful and so so obviously gay!
i am very proud he will be making an apearance soon enough ^-^
other news. Ryan popped up again, inquiering into who was my achiles heal. again with the asking about my pm, thats such an obvious excuse to talk to someone!
anyway so we chatted and i mocked him and he didnt pick up on it, he also apologised for being a prick for the last couple of months, on account of two more of his friends have died i advised him to stop making friends with terminals...well no i thought it though :P. then when i had to go he actualy said:
goodnight sugar plum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
SUGAR PLUM! SUGAR PLUM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha...
yeah you get the message.
sugar plum fuck the what!
Mel (plus one point)|||
Ryan (MINUS ONE POINT!)|
he he, sooner or later i shall become a pretty peach! *shudder*
sugar plum... honestly.
what... is... he... thinking!
anyway just thought i'd rant for abit because again agaisnt my will my heart is going humingbird on my ass.

having second thoughts about Connor, yes he is sweet, yes i do like him, yes in that way. but im not sure if i want to go out with him, im not sure if i want to go out with anybody! and i mean i think i have worked myself into a position where i cant actualy say no... because i have played along with his little game, said i loved him too and all that shit. so what do i do. i am also quiet interested in seeing how good a kisser he is? is that such a bad thing?
i dont want to say no, but i honestly dont see this relationship going anywere?
would it be wrong to dump him after a week? i could make up an excuse?
oh well not important.

1984 is an amazing book, sorry, just saw it on my desk i look forward to reading more tonight.

today miss Manning asked me if i was developing an obsession with my elfwood account and was it interfearing with my work?
that really upset me... i dont know why but it made me just want to cry.
also miss Powell asked me why i hadnt gotten my own DT folder yet and i confessed that it was because i had not a penny to spare on the purchase of one, so she gave the 'oh dear a financle problem child' look to miss manning and said that she was sure she could find a second hand one for me if i wanted. that also made me feel like shit. because yes i dont have the money and yes i wont ask mum for the money ither, but i dont need them to think that about me, because it changes peoples perspective on you you doesnt it.
its nolongedr melissa the happy go lucky (charming handsome tear away :P)
its melissa who, ssshhhh cant afford a £4 DT folder. i have to go now as movment has begun downstairs sygnaling the rise of the parents to bed.
so this is a goodnight. to alll the sugar plums of the world.
kishes :P