mhhh, yum yum kitkat and tea, well no i am actualy feeling sick now
i can feel my headache coming back and i am not in the best of moods...
im listening to system of a down, i really like them actualy especialy 'roulette' which is actualy wierd as it is the 'mel-i-want-to-break-up' song which todd sent me, meh i still like it its a nice song.
okkkay twas a wierd day and i am in a selfish mood, livvie was fucked off about something but she got (or acted) better in physics so i didnt want to persue it. you sort of reminded me of a seesaw or uhm what was it, thin ice... if you read this i hope you enjoy the sandman tonight.
waiting for ryan to come online as no one else is.
im angry at him and myself and everyone else and at the stupid situation i am in right now, i have decided that it is alot easier to just not like him anymore.
simple.
i just keep telling myself he is worth it, but im sorry the shit that is going down now i dont belive myself.
i keep twisting our converstaions and making excuses for him so i dont have to think that maybe he is not who i think he is. and i only tell the half truth to people so i have several different personas of ryan to keep up with several different people.
but that doesnt fucking mean everyone can point it out to me I AM GETTING FUCKING SICK WITH EVERYONE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! let me get this straight, and i will say this once:
I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS, LAST TIME I CHECKED IT WAS MY BUISNESS AND MINE ONLY! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT!
jeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss!
i dont care that he has a girl friend, i dont care that hes not trust worthy, i know i am going to get hurt in the long run, but i do not care i am 15 years old i am hardly going to marry him for fucks sake!
i achnowledge that when the enevitable does happen and it ends i cannot complaine, or be sad having said all i have above and maybe i will regret it.
i am beyond caring...
he drives me insaine though and i know he is not a very nice person when it comes to dealing with relationships (we were talking about it and he said that i should get so worked up about a 15yr old crush, that pissed me off hugely! i mean make me feel special why dont you!)
but that does not give you the right to call him what you do! okay it was a joke at first but now its just stupid ignorant and rude.
GET THE FUCK OFF MY BACK AND DIE!
okay right *phew*
uhm, im in a strange mood okay, im not unhappy, but i find myself needing less and less contact with the world, physical or phycological.
to tell you the truth, the world is fucking me off right now.
i dont want hugs they are annoying and i am finding it easier and easier just to ignore everyone.
OMG! my dad just called my mobile out of nowere just to tell me that he loved me and that he was sorry we fought!
how amazing is that, damm him damm him damm him! i want to not like him but then he goes and does something like that i mean how sweet and i could tell that he was feeling awkward telling me this and he was struggling to find something to talk about trying to make it less obvious that all he wanted to do was tell me that he was sorry!
XDD
i am really happy about that now wowie hee hee
so to round up:
i hate the world
i am not liking ryan
no hugs unless i inichiate them
my dad is soo cool \^o^/
oh yes and spiderman is cool too
The Happiest Goth in the World.
Lime
Jessy
Smog
Fellow Thinkers
- Tarrigan
- Hhhmmm, i dont know what to say, ha and to be honest no one does really do they, so i guess im fine. well i am a student at a school for girls which does not make me a lesbian. im also gothicly inclined which does not mean that i drink blood. i read alot of comic books which does not mean that i am an anti-social super nerd. i happen to be a teenager which does not mean that i hate my life and i can p\/\/|\/ j00 47 1347 5p34|< which does not mean that i know anything about dungeons and dragons. so i guess there are alot of things that i am, and also alot of things that i am not. does that make it any clearer for you?
Benfolds brigade
We can be happy.
1 comment:
God Mel, sometimes I just want to split your fucking skull! I love you dearly, let's make that VERY clear, but you ask for advice and such and then complain and rant when it is not the advice you want! I know everybody does it, I know it's your business really, I know your blog is your business, but you don't seem to take into account that people are only telling you these things because they care about you, not because they want to lord it over you. I mean, fuck it, Mel! What have I got to brag about to you? It's not like I already have a partner and am just being snobby, I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT. I really wish I could get that through to you. I am over-reacting and you will probably hate me forever for this, but things like this make me so upset and angry. Why didn't you just say it to my face? I mean, now I have to go and write my retort in your blog because that's where the rant was.
Look, if you have a problem with me, tell me. And I can't help with the Ryan thing, it would seem, although I want to. I'm in too deep to back out of being involved, but Mel, I...oh...I can't find the words for it.
I love you lots.
Remember that in your possible anger and desire to hit me with things.
Lime.
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