it's been ages since i've blogged, i just haven't. i've been writing in my diary a bit and well it's mostly full of lovey dovey shite about how much I'm in love with Kit, and well if you've worn me down enough to get me to send you a link to this, hi Kit, i love you.
it's strange thinking that Rob was last Christmas... *laughs* I'm so used to measuring time in boyfriends that an 8 month gap has really messed with my perception. it only seems a few months ago i was grinding up against that long win-haired boy in a smokey seedy 'club'. and i mean it's been well over a year since Will (we don't think about Grant). a lot of shit has gone down as they say but i'm far too tired to talk about it. school is good, well lessons anyway, i'm fighting back the feeling that socially i have become a spare part, a pin holding together a bone that has now fused together and no longer needs me. Katie has Joe now, and feels awkward around me because of Kit i assume. I'm not sure if she likes Kit or likes the idea of having lost him... does that make sense. Jess and i are getting on a lot better, but Michelle and i barely talk. Kit is being a 'cool kid' and as much as i identify with his wishes to be part of a society he has as any geek has looked into and been fascinated by. but i feel like some sort of fucking lap dog, sat obediently by his side, talking to 'the cool kids' simply because i have no one left but him to give me this attention that i crave, as the below-average-borderline i am.
house drama is going to be a feat, and some times i get a great feeling of despair and think there is NO WAY i can put in the amount of work needed... and other times i feel i can take it.
it depends on my mood which lately has been rather unstable.
i have a new phone now, which makes me intensely sad, i've lost all of my numbers and pictures and videos and... everything. i wont ever see my picture of the empty office again, or the graffiti pillars, or the picture of ultimate win (Chris with Jess's bra). but, well, i don't know again tiredness outweighs my caring.
talking about Chris we had a wonderful conversation today, about love and it makes me wonder if love really is quiet easily attainable? but yes no deep thoughts for me, its not normal. i will only think about how nice it felt having a one to one conversation with him.
NickleBack tomorrow, i hope it goes well.
maybe I'll start writing regularly in here again, it does seem to be a rather easy habit to slip back into, but then again typing to myself inst that different from talking to myself and the lord knows i do that enough.
im not crazy.
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