Saw V and Alec.

Consuming the left over apple crumble (who's age i do not want to think about for too long) i contemplate the happenings of today.
Saw Jess aaaaahh that was lovely, god i missed her. it was funny i dreamt of seeing her again the night before and we hugged exactly the way we did in the dream.
it was lovely and though i was a little jealous Jess had spent this amazing time away from me i was more happy she'd had an amazing time.
i was a little nervous about meeting Alec, but it's funny, not THAT nervous, no more than, well actually not really at all, which was a nice feeling. i bought Postsecret and it's fantastic!
i read it sat in Starbucks and had a little cry at one of the pages that had a postcard with 'what hurts more than loosing you... is knowing you're not fighting to keep me.' written on it. *shivers* not nice, though amazing that someone has the exact same thoughts as me. then i finished it and was kicked out of Starbucks so made my way to the cinema to meet Alec.

he rang me to find out where i was and it's funny, that was the first time i heard his voice, it was nice. we had a bit of a sitcom moment when he said 'see you soon' and i replied 'you too'. i have no idea what i was thinking but he laughed and hung up. seeing him was nice he looked pretty much how i thought he would, skinny very tall, amazing blue eyes though as in, arian wet dream/swim in the ocean/clear as the sky blue eyes. he smelt of cigarettes and car air freshener and lynx which was brilliant. god i love that smell. we started talking straight away and i did my usual trick of blathering on about everything and anything until the awkwardness went away. i told him i was sorry i looked like a dominatrix dyke. he laughed. before we knew it we had to rush down and get our tickets because we'd talked over time, getting in the cinema i chose to sit at the back and we chatted some more and tried to remember what the other Saws had been about. no arms round shoulders, no stroking of knees, just good clean fun and conversation.

Saw was a little disappointing but it was very much setting up for Saw V| and the gore was satisfying, i had to make sure i didn't laugh at the inappropriate moments.
he hugged me and grabbed my shoulders when a particularly gruesome bit came up and i squealed, and maybe he lingered there a little too long for friends before letting go, but i didn't mind.

then the car journey home. i've always thought of car journeys with over 20's (as in Alec and Jude) to be a bit weird, sort of going to a college party and still being at high school, just not my territory, a glimpse of a promised life. but it was different to Jude's car journeys. this was much less i don't know. Jude never really talks in the car and Alec and i talked all the way home. i flicked through his music and even had a go at him for some of it which was funny. we started asking each other riddles and that was a lot of fun, he's a great logical thinker. then we got back to my house and stayed in the car. we must have gotten back at about... 9 it was 12 by the time i got out *laughs* we talked about lots of things, he's clever but defiantly from Gloucester, if that makes sense, he doesn't like Chinese and has never eaten with chopsticks put it that way. but, at about 11, i was talking about how my hair was very short at the back and i said he could feel it and he took my head in his hands and started playing with my hair and we ended up kissing. kissing a lot. *sighs* he was very very very gentle, which was okay i guess, i felt like i might break him though if i let myself off guard. but when he got into it he was more forceful. once i got over the initial 'i wish this were kit i wish this were kit' it was nice. laid back and easy going, just really chilled. but he had this habit of stroking my face and holding my hand and it made me a little uncomfortable, because that made it very sort of, loving and intimate and I'm not okay with that yet. but as soon as we sort of stopped and laughed a bit, it was better again.
i miss him a bit already and god i did not want to get out of that car. it was so nice having that sort of date kissing, that can't lead to sex even though you know it would if we were in more of a convenient position.

oh well we had fun and he was very complimentary of my body which was much appreciated (though he did poke fun at my ankle pride).

he walked me to my door and there was lots of hugging.
i still miss Kit but i think i can separate them in my mind, or at least i hope i can.
I'm seeing him again soon and he didn't ask me out, which is a good thing, hurray!